Friday, October 5, 2012

The Magical Pregnancy Unicorn

For there to be babies, there needs to be pregnancies. And lots of people want to have babies and as a charming result, there are always a lot of pregnant people around.

Pregnancy effects women in very different ways. These effects range from all positive to all negative. Have you seen the movie ‘What to expect when you’re expecting?’ On it, we see ‘The Magical Pregnancy Unicorn’ who has nothing but glow and warm fuzzies throughout the pregnancy. She doesn’t put on any extra weight and just LOVES pregnancy and then has pain of 0-1 out of 10 when in labour and literally sneezes and gives birth to her twin babies out of her belly the size of a rockmelon (or cantaloupe if you’re American). We also see another woman (we’ll call her Poor Pathetic Mumma) who calls BS on the whole pregnancy glow. Her belly is giant at about twenty weeks, has aches and pains, weight gain, lack of bladder control, flatulence, constipation, etc etc. All the stuff we don’t want.
These may be complete opposites, but they fail to outline a whole spectrum of expectant mums that we all know and love.

Here’s a few of the pregnant women I have met in my life time.

1.       The Magical Pregnancy Unicorn – as listed above. We all hate this woman because we secretly want to be her.

2.       Madam Sickly – this is the poor woman who spends her entire pregnancy sick. Morning sickness leads to day and night sickness and potentially to hospitalization. She might not gain weight, but that’s just because she is throwing up everything she eats. She has a rough time of her pregnancy, but somehow manages to be upbeat and look fondly on the future birth of her little miracle.

3.       Mumma Whine-a-lot- this woman is not overly sick or in much pain, but she likes to tell you she is. She walks like there is a watermelon between her legs and a hand on her back before you can really see the bump. Her facebook statuses are nothing but complaints about her baby. She wants someone to feel sorry for her… but we don’t.

4.       Polly Positive – no matter what happens to this woman, she is positive and perky about the whole experience. Nothing can get her down. Good on you Polly.

5.       The Norm - this is the woman who gets her share of morning sickness and a few aches and pains, maybe some stretchmarks, and a few mood swings, but for the most part she is positive and happy. She eats healthily and exercises, just the right amount, and still puts on a bit of weight but in a healthy way. She is genuinely excited for the eminent arrival. We love this one because she is normal.

6.       Poor Pathetic Mumma – as listed above. You just have to feel sorry for this one.

And we all know more. You meet all kinds of pregnant women who bear the burden of pregnancy differently. We’d love to hear what type of pregnant lady you were or why not share your friends’ scary stories. They’ll love you for it.


  1. I had a love hate relationship with pregnancy. Naseua - HATE, Constipation - HATE, Acne - HATE, Maternity clothes - HATE... (baby LOVE) I am so glad I will never have to go through it again. Sorry, little sistahs! ;)

  2. I have to agree with 2busy. I love being pregnant because I can feel a little being moving inside of me which is amazing and the end result is just so perfect but the rest of it? I could do without, thank you. :D

  3. This is the reason that I hate Halle Berry. We were pregnant at the same time. I was reading an article one day in between spurts of puking where she said, "I just love being pregnant! I haven't been sick, I haven't gained much weight, and I feel sexier than ever!". I knew at that moment that we would never be friends.

  4. I was pregnant with Katie Holmes and yeah, she was a pregnancy unicorn, but then I found out she had to silently give birth naturally. That's when I got the last laugh.

  5. I haven't seen the movie (yet) but I can relate. I think at one point or another during pregnancy I embodied each of those character traits, which puts me at "normal." Sick to death for 4 months, then blissfully well with perfect pregnancy weight gain (the first time only) and the occasional, but serious, mood swing! After 3 kids I am happy to be done! I do agree with Natalie - the baby moving was the best part (that and the fact that she couldn't talk back yet!).