Friday, July 27, 2012

Linz's 2012 Not-So-Martha Tips


 I pride myself on the knowledge I have learned over the past few years.  Before I had kids, there used to be time to make cleaning, cooking, decorating and crafting more of a priority.  Now, most days, we are just in survival mode.  Here are a few great tips that I felt were only fair to pass on.

1.  If your kids are crying, whining, cranky, tired, etc. Macaroni and Cheese will take twice as long to cook.  The boiling water just knows that you need it to go fast, so it goes EXTRA slow.  Choose to make something else on those days.

2.  If you need to clean your house but have zero energy and limited time, watch an episode of Hoarders, and you will feel much better about the state of your home.

3.  Closets are a great place for hiding messes.  People will notice that your house looks clean, but it would be very rude of them to look in the closets.  So, those are safe places to shove things if you are in a hurry.  This will also work for a limited time before your husband gets home from work.  This makes him think that you slaved away all day.  You just can't leave it like that over a day.  Chances are, he will open one of the closets and realize what a slob you are.

4. Don't paint your nails while it is humid.  They take forever to dry.  If you unfortunately live somewhere humid, do the base coat on Monday, a color coat on Tuesday, another color coat on Wednesday, and the top coat on Thursday.  This way, they will actually look nice for date night on Friday. 

5.  If a recipe says to fold an ingredient in gently with a spoon, you better believe this means to put your mixer on the lowest speed.  Gently with a spoon?  Ha!

6.  Always make your bed.  Unless you are going to take a nap later.  Then it's just a waste of time.

7.  Always, always, always carry wet wipes and sanitizer.  Kids or no kids. 

8.  Take your shoes off before walking through your house.  No matter what.  It will save on hours of cleaning and you will thank me later. 

9.  Watch your swearing around your children unless you already have a good explanation prepared for their Sunbeam teacher.

10.  Most likely you won't look like Heidi Klum did 6 weeks after giving birth.  Don't beat yourself up.  Have a bowl of ice cream....and use your leftover baby belly to balance the bowl and make it more hands-free.

11.  Do not dress yourself or your children until you are practically walking out the door for church.  For family pictures, dressing them on location is actually the best idea, but you should still plan back-up outfits.

12.  Always keep at least 2 ready-to-go meals in your freezer.  You never know when the crap is going to hit the fan....and inevitably on those days, the Relief Society president will call and ask you to bring a meal to someone else.

13.  Vacuuming is the fastest way to make your house presentable.  Dusting isn't as much of a priority if you close your blinds and make sure the sun isn't shining in.

14.  Always keep your shower curtain closed.  It prevents mildew on the curtain and also hides any disasters that may lurk in the bathtub until you are ready to face them.

15.  Don't buy anything that has to be ironed or dry cleaned.  Until your kids are at least 10.


  1. Shoes on in a house totally grosses me out. It makes me want to cry when a guest doesn't remove their shoes before coming into my house.

    I live in a fairly humid place, and this top coat works like magic! I won't attempt to paint without it.

  2. Such great advice! I agree with you on all accounts, especially the Mac and cheese! Ha! Oh and closets, please don't ever look in our closets. :)

  3. I so agree with you on the Hoarders show. I feel so much cleaner and more together once I watch an episode.

  4. Love this! SUCH great advice - and gave me a good chuckle. Thanks for that. :)