Monday, June 11, 2012

Real Time Bachelorette (June 11th Episode)

Here we are again. Another week. Who will stay? Who will go? What drama will ensue? I'm here for my analysis as the show goes on. (Note: This is my favorite post of the week, if you couldn't tell.)

8:00- OOOH, London. Finally, a Bachelorette location that doesn't require bikini shots. One F Jef announces that he's "stepping it up this week." Cheese-head Sean gets the one on one. Jef is feeling threatened, and the guys are sitting around comfortably talking about feelings again (and this makes me super uncomfortable).

8:10- Cute coat Emily! She threw out the "C" word...connection time, people! On the surface, Emily and Sean make a very cute couple(two blondes, great smiles, perfect teeth and hair). They belong on the cover of the Ensign. Turns out Kondescending Kalon (whom I will now call KK) doesn't want to be a daddy. Shocking, KK. I mean, you should just pretend you're ready like all these other guys, except Doug, because he's A case you didn't know. Sean is uncomfortably serenading Emily with his speaking skills. I like Sean. He reminds me of a quarterback. Quick! Wikipedia him! Was he a quarterback?!! I KNEW IT!! His bio says that his greatest achievement is "Earned a full scholarship to college through football." Gosh, I'm good!!!

8:19- Romantic Dinner. Is Emily losing her voice? At least we know she has one now. On Brad's season, I seriously wondered. Wait? Did she just call Sean her "prisoner of love?" I'm surprised I like Sean. I usually hate football stars, but he's got a great smile. KK is not pleased with his group date. Despite being "marriage material" I just don't see the sparks between Emily and Sean. Touchdown on the date though Sean! You're likely to go far.

8:28- Another cute coat. Oh no, Shakespeare scenes?!! Awks (thanks, Sevey). Oh KK! You do not think that this is your "big break." He was "born to play" Romeo because Juliet didn't have any baggage (i.e. kids). Arie isn't the sharpest tool in the Shakespeare shed. Good thing he's rich and handsome (in a non-handsome way). Did KK just shew her away? Does he know what show he's on? Weirdo.

8:42- Gaston (aka Ryan) has been quiet tonight. Wait, "Earrings" is a 24 year-old "Mushroom Farmer?" How did I miss that? Performance time. Hokey. Stupid. Waste of time. Ope, there's the Gaston, we love (i.e. hate). Pushed the line with the stage kiss. And no, it wasn't a real kiss.

8:52- I kinda hate group dates. Cue the love music with Arie. I will be shocked if he doesn't win. Gaston is giving her jewelry. Not what I was expecting. I was expecting a thigh-master or a plastic surgery gift card or something. Any chance that KK is really 12 or the kid from BIG, because he acts like it. OOOOH! Doug is ready to tattle on KK and the "baggage" statement. Emily is ticked (well, as ticked as you can sound while whispering).

9:03- KK is defending the term "baggage." Go Emily!! I haven't seen this kind of fight from any Bachelorette since Ali yelled at Justin "Rated R" for having a girlfriend at home. Kalon's heading back to Nordstrom! Doug tries to swoop in, and Emily stiff arms him. No rose tonight.

9:12- One F Jef's moment to shine. Well, he didn't get a haircut; so that's one strike against him. Another cute coat! My sister thinks Jef looks like Michael Banks (of Mary Poppins). Etiquette class? We are in dire need of a helicopter or some sharks to swim with or a bungee jump or something. Jean provides the second hokey moment of the night. Jef is lucky to get the emotional rebound date and come of as the hero who defended her against KK. I don't love Jef. I'm totally bored with them together. Emily likes Jef though, and really, is she the most exciting girl you've ever met?

9:25- Cue love music. Jef will go far. Love music=top 3 contestant. I'm bored with this one on one. Really. Very boring. WAIT!! Emily is talking moving to Salt Lake!! Hold the Fort! Call Good Things Utah! We've got a gig for you, Emily! That was definitely the highlight of that date. Has Jef ever kissed a girl before? He's like a 16 year old.

9:36- I like Emily's blue cocktail dress. And her hair. Hot seat for all the guys. I've never seen someone want to have tattlers. Bachelor/ette tattlers usually don't go far. She's ticked at Arie. I like Arie's answers; simmer down Emily. Gaston has a performance. STOP GASTON! STOP! Oh gosh, Emily!! Run. Gaston is trouble. Sean's getting love music. This is good news for Sean.
CHRIS HARRISON! There you are! London on ABC's tab? You lucky dog.

9:50-Crunch time. My money is on Earrings or Egg Man (the guy who had the big egg) going home. Egg man's staying!! They expect us to believe that Arie is going home? No way. Goodbye Earrings. At least he didn't cry...oh wait.

Until, next time...


  1. You hit the nail on the head...again.

  2. Sean reminds me of the missionary I wrote. He was also a quarterback. Good call :) However, I think Sean is a little cheesey. Maybe just what she needs.

    Arie is darling. He is my pick for her.

    Jef IS Michael Banks. Even that awful hair. I hope someone shaves it off as a prank. Now that would make good tv.