Saturday, May 26, 2012

It Doesn't Get Worse Than Swimsuit Shopping

Is there anyone out there who likes to shop for swimsuits? I have an inner battle with myself every year around this time. Here it is in dramatic form.

Note: All of these characters are different inner voices of mine. Schizophrenia?

Francis McFunMom: YAY! It's summer! Finally, you can get out there with your littles, so pull out your outdoor toys! Buy every frozen treat you can!! Load up on sunscreen, because we are hitting the pool EVERYDAY! Oh, you say I have to wear a swimsuit to get in that pool with my baby? Well, it's not about me anyway, so I'm just going to do it! I don't look THAT bad afterall!

Sally Stayhome: Yeah, you say that you don't really care, but you know the minute you feel that wind hit your thighs and you see Wendy Wardmember getting a backside view at the local pool, you'll be singing a different tune. You'll be wishing you had spent more money on a Wii to entertain your children in the summer instead of that swimsuit.

Francis McFunMom: Who cares! I'm not about me! I'm about my kids! It's natural for a mom of three to have extra padding. I'm not that vain. I don't want my kids to miss out because their mom can't get over herself.

Sally Stayhome: Do you know who else gets out there with her kids? Holly HotBod, who's had some work done since last summer. She goes to the local pool all the time. She'll most likely sit right next to you.

Carrie Compromise: You know what...there are some great cover-ups out there. You can just throw one of those on the millisecond you are out of the water. Or just stick to the backyard wading pool. Your kids are still little enough for that, right?

Crazy, right? This is the reason that I have had the same plain black swimsuit for the last 5 years. It's simple; it fits as well as anything; it does the job. Besides that, two of those summers were spent rather pregnant...

You know, that's one good thing about being pregnant in the summer. You're given a free pass to wear your cover-up AT ALL TIMES. Not one person blames you. You buy the best maternity swimsuit you can and then you cover it up and just stick your feet in the water, and everyone is more than fine with this arrangement. Alas I digress...

So, this year I once again pulled out Old Trusty, and noticed something...a hole. Where and when this hole appeared I have no idea (scary, right?). And now I'm on a quest to find something that Francis McFunMom, Sally Stayhome, and Carrie Compromise can all agree on.

Just today, I was perusing online what's out there. I know that the best idea is to go to the store and try it on, but then I face the dreaded FLUORESCENT LIGHTING!!!

WHY?! WHY?!!!

I'm not ready!! I don't deserve that!! No one does! So I'll probably order online and send back multiple times. Once again, I have gone to the online reviews to help me navigate this world, and once again, the braggers are making it to the blog! These are all real reviews.

Brag is Highlighted

"I took a chance and ordered this suit online, and am very glad I did. I'm a 34DD and tend to stick to two pieces so that I can get a small enough size for my rear, and a large enough size for my chest, but this suit actually fits! It does ride up a tad, but not more than other suits I've had."

"I am 20 so a little skin doesn't bother me but may if your looking for a little more coverage. Overall very cute suit!"

"I love this suit! I am 16 months post-baby delivery...and while my weight is back to pre-pregnancy normal, things have shifted. I am fuller on top..."

It's really quite shocking how little people talk about the product in their reviews and how much they talk about themselves!

If anyone out there has a swimsuit company that is their go to, I'd love to hear it. After all, this suit needs to last at least another 5 years.


  1. Holly Hotbod is ALWAYS at my pool. I have thought about dunking her, but I don't think my Thunder Thighs could help me escape fast enough.

  2. Can I just avoid the pool all together?

  3. I'm thinking about bringing the full body wet suit back into "summertime public pool" fashion. I think it's a great option. Full coverage! What's not to love!

    Seriously though, Why do we never hear anyone talk about their abnormally small boobs in those reviews?

    I recently bought a suit from Lime Ricki (I think it's just and I'm really happy with it. full boob, stomach, butt and thigh coverage available :)

  4. I love Lime Ricki. It's online and my current favorite.

  5. Good're not schizophrenic!
    Bad may have mulitple personality disorder.

    I'm with you though, I hate swimsuit shopping...and it's usually because I am the opposite of "full on top" if you get my drift.