Monday, April 30, 2012

A Bad Case of the Grumps


Source
Sometimes you just need to vent.  Everyone has frustrations and apparently it is therapeutic to talk about them.  This week I have had an exceptionally dark cloud over my head.  Maybe it was the nasty cold that I got, maybe it’s hormones…who knows?  I’m hoping if I vent the things I am really grumpy about I can get over them and return to my usual cheery self. 

1.     Why haven’t they announced and posted pictures of Emily’s bachelors yet?  How am I supposed to write my predictions?  It better not be because they are hiding Bentley.  I will have a lot more to be grumpy about.
2.     I really hate new towels.  Yes, they are lovely, and flawless, but could they possibly be LESS absorbent?
3.     Unsolicited parenting advice, from strangers, family, or friends.  If I have a question on my method, I will ask.  If not, they are my kids.  Leave it alone.
4.     My muffin-top.  Why can’t I eat like I used to?  Now I have to do 37 lunges and 400 squats if I have an Oreo.
5.     The smell of mildew on dishcloths.  How do you get rid of that?!?  I usually just throw them away and buy new ones.  There has got to be a cheaper way.
6.     Wind and rain.  I hate when my hair gets wet.  I really hate when it gets wind blown.
7.      I have a farmer's tan. 
8.   My camera is being held together by athletic tape.

Sorry for the downer, but I feel better already! 

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Lessons Learned By Lindsay

Just a few things I've learned this week that may help someone out there:

1. If you have a hunch that your shopping cart is at all wonky, don't try to just push on. Replace it immediately. I don't care if you have your purse situated, one child sitting in the front little seat, and one child sitting in the cart itself.  It's not worth it!

2. Whoever first coined the term "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" was totally wrong. There are many things that taste as good or better than skinny feels.

3. Sometimes some good ol' fashion retail therapy works. Don't go nuts or anything, but seriously, everyone needs this occasionally. Anyone who says otherwise is probably the same person who believes my lesson #2.

4. If you need to cry, just cry. The ugly "trying not to cry" face is worse than most cries I've seen.

5. There is no replacement for the iPhone. Sorry, there just isn't.

6. The kitchen utensils you got for your wedding 8 years ago, wear out. Replace them. Give yourself an "8 year shower" every now and again.





Friday, April 27, 2012

Reasons I'm considering having only one child

This week, I stumbled upon (and fell in love with) this picture on facebook.

The story that goes with it is this:
A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden, The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog.
Walking in the door, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel... She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day? ''Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.

So the next day, I tested it out. How messy would my house get if I did abso-blooming-lutely NOTHING one day. I did no cleaning, cooking, organizing. The only thing I did was play with my kid and feed him when necessary. I know, I know, that’s probably breaking the rules of doing nothing if I’m truly testing it out. But he’s only 1 after all. To neglect those things would be abuse and my husband’s the guy that sends people to jail for that…. Sooooo needless to say I saw that as a necessity. But, after feeding I did leave all dropped food on the floor to be severely smashed and smeared.
And do you know what? My house didn't look like the picture at all! False advertising! One child on their own makes hardly any mess and gets up to virtually no mischief (unless you call repeatedly chasing and catching the chicken and cuddling it's like your baby mischief).
Sure, there were a few toys around. Tripping hazard? There were a few close calls with the chicken. Who needs eggs anyway? There was a bit of food under the high chair. Cockroach bait? No dinner on the table. Diet strategy?
That day, I decided that one child is the perfect amount.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

When I Was a Child I Thought as a Child

Remember Karl Malone?
If not, don't feel bad.  He played for the Utah Jazz and was known as "The Mailman."  In my 6 year old brain I didn't realize "The Mailman" was a nickname because of his consistent delivery in scoring points.  I thought he was an actual mailman.  That was before I found out that NBA players make a ridiculous amount of money and don't need regular day jobs.

Of course that's not the only silly thing I thought as a child.  For example when I was little I thought Arby's was actually called Arby's of Heleman.
Apparently whoever I sat next to in Primary during singing time must have always had a stuffy nose.

My dad's business was next to an empty field when I was growing up.
That field was what came to my mind when people referred to "the mission field" in church.  Yes folks, I thought "the mission field" was the empty field next to my dad's work.  Which is weird because I never actually saw a missionary walking around there.

Speaking of missionaries I had a friend who thought that instead of saying MTC when people were referencing the Missionary Training Center that they were actually saying Empty Sea.  Cute, right?
Except he was in high school before he finally realized his mistake. Sad, right?

When my husband was little he had a neighbor who's front yard had a fence that sort of looked like this:
He thought his neighbor was the richest person around because his fence had a chain on it.  Why he equated chains with wealth still baffles me.

I thought the freeway was called such because you didn't have to pay to drive on it...not that I had actually seen my parents pay to drive on any road.  And I was disgusted when, as a 5 year old, I discovered that my mom had to actually pay for the food we got from drive-thrus.  I thought they were free hand outs.

I could go on, but I won't. 

What funny things do you remember thinking as a child?

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Thinking of The Children

I came across this article/video last week.  And as cool as surfing is, I pray that none of my children will ever be so passionate about it that they'll want to take on the big daddies.  I almost started crying with each wipeout and the following things popped into my mind:

Is he okay?  OH MY GOSH!  Is he okay?  Oh NO! I hope that board doesn't sever his leg.  I hope he doesn't drown.   That is a lot of water pressure.  What if he bangs his head on a rock?  Oh NO!  Is he okay?

I just hope their mothers weren't watching.  You know, in an effort to save them from an anxiety attack.

Then I watched the trailer for this movie.  And although I'm not a huge animal person generally, It's very possible I'll now be asking for a chimpanzee at Christmas.

I tell you what, this "being a mom" thing has really got me crying about everything if it has to do with kids.  So, as one who already cries about everything, I am here to tell you that "everything" just expanded.  Crap.


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Name Calling


Since we're on the subject of relatives, I thought we could discuss some of our favorite ones--grandparents.

Growing up my husband and I both referred to our grandparents as "Grandpa" or "Grandma" so-and-so and we both had friends who loving used terms like, "Gran," "Gram," "Nana," and "Grammy." (Apparently there are many titles grandparents assume).

We both agree that it seemed like our friends with "special" grandparents names had something we didn't. Some kind of secret relationship or special grandparent-grandchild bond. Clearly we were missing out.

So, I'd like to take an unofficial poll:

  • What did you call your grandparents?
  • If you had "special" title did you feel cooler than everyone else? Please, don't be afraid to admit it, we all know you were. 
  • What do your kids call your parents?
  • How did your kids come upon the title they use with your parents? Did they pick it themselves? Did Grandma decide? You?



Please, don't hold back. We have only a few years before our firstborn can talk and these decisions cannot be taken lightly.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Ode to Sisters


(my actual sisters)
When I was a little girl, my sisters were my heroes.  I’m not exactly certain why because they mostly just locked me out of their rooms and told me I was too young to hang out with them.  But, I remember following them around, imitating them, and wishing I could grow a little faster so that I could fit into their hand-me-downs.  They taught me many things; like when it was time to give up on stirrup pants, and all of the words to Oingo Boingo’s Dead Man’s Party.  As I got older, they taught me how to do my make-up, they helped me get ready for prom, and they laughed with me over bad dates. 

Now that we are adults, my sisters are still my heroes.  When we are all together, we can talk for 5 days straight without even taking a breath.  They still teach me things, but now it is less about make-up and more about child rearing and how to not burn chicken.  I haven't always appreciated my sisters, but now that we all live far apart, I miss them every minute. 

Here are some things I love about sisters.

1.  They are built-in friends
2.  They can make fun of you, but you know they still love you
3.  You always have someone to shop with that will give you an honest opinion about how big your butt actually looks.
4.  You trust them to love your kids
5.  They always share their clothes, jewelry, and shoes
6.  You get extra sisters when your brothers get married, and when you get married
7.  They keep your secrets
8.  They call you just to tell you something funny
9.  If you can't do/make/cook something, chances are, your sister can
10.  They help you fix your stupid mistakes or bad decisions
11.  They are always up for a pedicure and greasy food
12.  Just in case, you have a back-up kidney

What do you love about your sisters?

Saturday, April 21, 2012

To Do Your Hair Or Not To Do Your Hair


If you're like me, you don't have the face or head shape or guts to pull off a pixie hair cut (ie boy short, but feminine). I would LOVE the maintenance of a pixie hair cut.

If you're also like me, you can't really stylishly pull off a pony tail or a messy bun. I am so jealous of those girls who pull their hair back messily and don't wear makeup and look like they just jumped off the pages of the J.Crew catalog.

This doesn't stop me from trying to do this alleged "quick yet stylish pull back" of my hair.

So it was about a week ago, while doing my try at a quick pull back not once or twice but three times over again, that a strange thought came to me:

I DON'T THINK I'VE SAVED MYSELF ANY TIME AT ALL

That set a weird (VERY weird) experiment in motion. I decided that I was going to track the hairdo I did each day for a week, the amount of time it took me to do it, and my level of satisfaction with said hair-style for the rest of the day.

Here's the results:

Day 1:
Regular round brush blow dry
Time:18:47
Level of hair satisfaction throughout the day: 8

Day 2:
Fast blow dry with curls
Time: 17:30
Level of hair satisfaction throughout the day: 7

Day 3:
Non-shower pull back of dirty hair (don't ask...)
Time: 5 seconds
Level of hair satisfaction throughout the day: -10

Day 4:
Regular round brush blow dry
Time: 19:00
Level of hair satisfaction throughout the day:8

Day 5:
Quick pull back into a bun
Time: 13:00
Level of hair satisfaction: 2

Day 6:
Fast blow dry with curls
Time: 16:25
Level of hair satisfaction: 8

Day 7:
Quick pull back into a bun
Time: 10:46
Level of hair satisfaction: 2

Alright now, what is it that these results tell me? First of all, I have too much time on my hands. But just looking at the results, I am convinced that unless it's one of those days when hair isn't happening at all, is it worth it to actually really try to do my hair? The results tell me that the answer is a resounding yes. Is it worth 6 minutes (the average difference between really doing my hair and doing a pull back) to feel good about my appearance? To me, it is. Let's face it, as a mom the old confidence suffers in the appearance department at times. And if 6 minutes can give me an extra boost, I'll take it.

Good bye pony tail. I'd say we had a good run, but let's not kid ourselves.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Guest Post: The Excessive Cost of Torture

Today's blog post is brought to you by Bobbie. Bobbie is a wonderful woman, mother of 4, blogger (you can find her here), and superwoman. She bakes, she crafts, she maintains a lovely home, and does it all with a smile!
________________________________________________

I always wanted to be a parent who joined in (except at parks. I don't like to play at the park.)

But I'm finding out it's costing me a lot extra to partake in torture.

Like at Iceskating the other day. There were many mums sitting, reading in the stands.

I know I am a young mum and many women are a lot older than me. Perhaps the fear of a broken hip is too much or their lack of energy or tweens who don’t really need them out there... but maybe they have the right idea.

Now if I were an adult going iceskating as a date or with friends (which I have done) I would expect to pay entry.

BUT as a mother of four children I take exception at having to pay twice as much entry as the kids when it is OBVIOUS I am not going for my own enjoyment.

This is not a date.
This is not hanging out with friends.
This is not an individual mum time out activity for my own good.
This is basically torture.

This is having little monkeys hang off me, nearly topple me, fight over who gets to hold my hand, beg to go around and around, carry me, hold me, a chaos of legs flying in all directions.

Why should I pay so much more? I should be half price! Should kids entry not cost more than parent entry?!

So maybe those mums on the sidelines had it right. They get to save their $17 entry and spend it on hot chocolate at the cafe.

While I nurse blisters and bruises.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Book Review

One time I thought it would be a good idea to read the Modern Library's 100 Best Novels. After reading several from the list, I realized it wasn't the best idea I've ever had.

It seems like some people (I'm not sure exactly who, but some people) think in order for a book to be considered great it either has to be painful to get through (ex. Ulysses by James Joyce) or terribly and extremely depressing (ex. Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck). Now don't get me wrong, I love me some John Steinbeck but only in small doses (because pretty much all his books are sad). I do not like James Joyce, however, in any dose (sorry Mr. Joyce).

What I'm trying to get at is I think the best books are the ones that you look forward to reading, that don't make you want to crawl in a hole and never come out, and that, dare I say it, actually bring you joy. Here are 5 examples of such books. Put them on your summer reading list.

1) The Anne of Green Gable Series by Lucy Maud Montgomery

If you love the movies, you'll love the books. If you don't love the movies, something may be wrong with you, but you should still read the books. How can I explain what reading these books are without sounding cheesy? I can't. Reading these books is nothing but a pleasure. There were several times I laughed right out loud while reading them. Which was embarrassing because I was usually riding to BYU with a bus full of strangers.

2) The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie BarrowsA fictional story based on the period during and after World War II this book is light hearted yet touches on some of the horrors people lived through during the war. I was half way through it when my sister took it from me because she needed it for her English class. I couldn't stand waiting a few days before she returned it so I picked up a copy at the library the next day. This would be more impressive if you truly understood how much I dislike leaving my house.

3) Gone with the Wind by Margaret MitchellTo put it simply: if you like drama, reality TV, or soap operas you will like this book.

4) Little Women by Louisa May AlcottWho doesn't love a story that follows the lives of a family of sisters? Let me rephrase that in case you think I'm referring to the Kardashians. Who doesn't love a moral, sweet story that follows the lives of a family of sisters?

5) The Harmony Series by Philip GulleyMaybe it was because while recovering from the "baby blues" I found some amusement in these books. Maybe it was because I have a not-so-secret desire to live in a small town where everyone knows everyone. Or maybe it was because at a young age I decided that if I weren't LDS I would probably be a Quaker (based solely on the fact that I like the Quaker hymn "Tis a Gift to be Simple"). Whatever it was I liked these books.

I just realized 4 out of the 5 authors I listed here are women. Solidarity sisters.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

And I'm Not Even a Groupie


I love me a little General Conference.  It’s a good time for me to remember that I shouldn’t gossip or say mean things about people.  Mostly it reminds me to repent for all the dumb things I do.  Plus, I love to watch the Prophet.  He makes me smile. 


You know what else made me smile this year?  David Archuleta in the MTC choir.  He’s just so dang cute.  Like, “I want to pinch his cheeks and take him to Chuck E. Cheese for his birthday” cute.  

So, good for you David.  I’m rooting for you.  

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Memes

Unless you don't have internet access (which is highly unlikely) you've probably run across a few memes in the past year. Some of my favorites are "The most interesting man on earth" and the "sarcastic Willy Wonka." I like to think of them as good satire which makes them feel more ennobling that just mean jests.

The use of them at BYU to make fun of campus life and Mormon culture recently has been very popular and it's probably no surprise that there is a facebook group dedicated to them.

These are some of my recent favorites (please, by all means, feel free to cringe):

Pick-up lines


 First world problems girl:

 The most interesting man on earth:

 Sarcastic Willy Wonka






My all time favorite, that I couldn't find, was a sarcastic Willy Wonka that said "Oh you play a ukelele around campus? You must be quite the musician." (There is ALWAYS a token ukelele player who plays during class breaks).

What are some of your favorite memes?

Monday, April 16, 2012

Celebrity Breakups that Broke Me Up

In celebration of the largely anticipated engagement between Brad and Angelina last week, let's take a look back at the celebrity breakups that really made me sad. Because, not to be a downer, that's what happens in Hollywood.


1. Brad and Jen: They were darling together. Actually, they look more like siblings than a couple. Maybe that's why it didn't work out?


2. Reese and Ryan: She is such a sweetheart. It made me sad to see her go through something so hard. However, I think it worked out alright for her.


3. Meg and Dennis: As the star of so many romantic comedies, it was tragic to see her real life happy ending fall apart. But, she still has great hair to wake up to each morning.


4. Heidi and Seal: This breakup actually surprised me, which isn't easy to do. Sad for them, but they seem to have made it as drama-free as possible.


5. Bruce and Demi: They just seemed to fit, didn't they? Isn't it amazing how some couples remain friends after a divorce? Bravo to them.


6. Brad and Emily: I nearly cried with Emily when these two broke up. I was really hoping it would work out for them. However, I am excited to watch her upcoming season of the Bachelorette.


7. Justin and Britney: I miss these two together. I miss their matching outfits... especially the denim one. Actually, while I am missing things, I miss Justin's curls, too.


8. Jessica and Nick: Out of all of the celebrity breakups, I think I am actually STILL sad about this one. Did anyone else love Newlyweds? Hilarious!! Is it possible to be that dumb and still function?


Which celebrity breakup made you sad?

Saturday, April 14, 2012

And Suddenly My Husband Was Watching a Period Piece

I don't know if I've mentioned it (once, twice, okay three times), but I love ANYTHING British. I know I came to earth at the time and to the place that I was supposed to come to earth, but man, there are times when I just know that I was meant to be British in the early or late 19th century!!

No surprise... my husband doesn't feel the same way. He's a good dad to daughters (the best really) and read Pride and Prejudice after the birth of our second daughter so that he could relate to them in later years. They were then 2 1/2 and 3 months old, respectively. I wouldn't say that he hated it. On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being ANY Nicholas Sparks movie and 10 being the Jazz making it to the NBA finals), I'd say he gave it about a 5.

So when HE suggested we start watching Masterpiece Theater's Downton Abbey on Netflix, imagine my surprise! AND JOY!


And now, we're hooked.

I'd say that it's a bit like a soap opera, but what housewife (and husband) doesn't have a soap opera? So I'm going to go ahead and suggest it to you all. You're welcome.

Friday, April 13, 2012

The English Language

School starts back here on Monday following the two week easter break. In my preparations for this horrific event (here’s where I complain, ‘I don’t wanna!’), I was doing some googling about different words. Sound fascinating, doesn’t it? I’m sure my students will agree.

Well, I made a discovery.

Pretty words often describe attractive things. For example, ‘Katrina’. Beautiful, huh? And ugly words typically describe ugly things. For example, ‘leech’. Ugly, ugly.
Here’s further examples from my research:

Beautiful words:
Cascade: steep waterfall

Sapphire: rich, deep bluish purple

Tranquility: peacefulness


Ugly words: It's harder than you think to find ugly words that you can put appropriate pictures to.

Grimace: expression of disgust or pain

Hirsute: hairy

And a few without pictures:

Slaughter: butcher, carnage
Grotesque: distorted, bizarre
Visceral: crude, anatomically graphic

And, as always with the English language, here are some exceptions:

Cholera (pretty word, ugly meaning)

Calamity (pretty word, even a nice name, but unfortunate meaning)

Bucolic (ugly word – means ‘pretty countryside')

And finally,

Politician

Such a beautiful word that conjures such an unfortunate picture.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Mysteries of the Universe

I don't normally consider myself a "deep thinker." I know you're probably shocked seeing as how most of my posts have a lot of substance to them, but it's true. However, I have noticed that the past few weeks I have been asking myself a lot of profound questions. Questions that seemingly have no answer to them. For instance...

1) Why do people say "I'm sweating like a pig"? Pigs don't sweat.

2) Why did Regis Philbin retire? I miss him.3) Why do people clap every time someone spins the wheel on Wheel of Fortune? It doesn't seem a particularly difficult thing to do.

4) Speaking of Wheel of Fortune, why does Vanna White still change the letters? The board became digital years ago.

5) Why do they compare the size of fetuses (it's right, I looked it up) to fruits and vegetables? Don't they know pregnant women already think about food too much?
6) Why can't someone invent clothes that are cute AND as comfortable as pajamas? And I'm not talking about a velour tracksuit (those aren't cute).

7) What exactly is a dingo? And, more importantly, do they really eat babies? Maybe our resident Australian, Katrina, can help us out.

8) Why can't chocolate chip cookies taste like celery and celery taste like chocolate chip cookies? Then I could shed these last 10 pounds (okay 15) of baby fat.
9) How is it we can put a man on the moon but no one can invent socks that stay on a baby's feet all day? It isn't rocket science (the baby socks part, not the flying to the moon part).


Chew on that for a while...