Monday, March 12, 2012

Unfit Suitors

My husband is adventurous. Which also means he gets hurt a lot. In the 6 years I have been married, I have been worried about becoming a widow at least once a month. Besides missing him terribly and being heart broken, I am mostly afraid of him dying because I REALLY don't want to have to start dating again. My former dating experience was less like "One Fine Day" and more like "A Series of Unfortunate Events".

I didn't get married until I was 23, which in Mormon time is like 87. So, everyone I knew had set me up with complete weirdos. I have read some pretty funny dating disaster stories and sadly, I can pretty much top all of them.

1. The guy with the diamond studs in his ears and bright white K-Swiss shoes that took me to see "Crossroads" starring Britney Spears. Not surprising, we were the only ones in the theater and he proceeded to tell me exactly how he decided on the size of diamonds to wear.

2. The guy that my OWN brother set me up with that asked me where our relationship was going 5 minutes into the date, then got angry when I said, "I'm not sure, it's only been 5 minutes". An hour later, he asked me if I wanted to go home with him that night.

3. The guy who had me meet him at a gas station for our date. He drove up, waited for me to get my own door and climb in the car because he was on the phone....making plans with another girl for after our date. At the end of the date, he dropped me off at my car and drove away before my keys were even out of my purse. I certainly figured out why that guy was 30 and still single.

4. The (much) older guy that started quoting a sitcom that aired before I was even born.

5. The guy that lit a match and threw it at me as a joke and caught my hair on fire. Wait....I married that one.

Please tell me that someone out there enjoyed their time dating. Then all hope won't be lost for when I become a widow.


  1. Some of us might be a little ashamed of our dating encounters... ;)

  2. I can't believe you married #5! Okay, he's pretty cool. So I suppose the match thing is forgivable :)

    Did I ever tell you about "Happy Jami Day"? Well, it would fit well on your list.

  3. So funny!! I guess there is still a lot I don't know about you yet Linz. ;) The picture you chose is perfect for your post too!