Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Say What?

I married my husband for a lot of reasons, one of them was his brains. He's a real thinker. This is why I feel perfectly fine publicly stating that he says some stupid things.

I'm all for honesty, so I don't mind when he tells me the truth, even if it is brutal at times. I like to believe that I'm level-headed enough to talk through things rationally, and I think he would tell you that I am too.

What really bugs me more than the dumb things he says, is that he actually believes what he says. Most of them relate to exercise like it is the cure-all magic bullet. If I had been more fit before pregnancy than A, B, and C would be exponentially better. Might I add that though I wasn't doing two-a-days, I had been doing P90x for a month and a half and exercised at least two times a week if not. It know I could have been more diligent, but give me some credit!

This is why when I stumbled across this article about dumb things husbands say to their pregnant wives I laughed out loud. Mostly in pure joy that I am not alone and in hilarity that men think so similarly (and, ahem, incorrectly).

Here are some of my favorites from the post and commenters:
  • Wife: This pregnancy is kicking my [butt].
    Husband: Maybe because you’re older and more out of shape than the other times? 
  • After being on bedrest and medication for three months and hospitalized for a week due to preterm labor, I was feeling badly because our neighbor, who was pregnant at the same time, was having no problems and I was having all kinds of problem. And my husband replied– well, you have to admit, you are just not as strong as her…”
  • Wife: Ugh. I can’t believe how huge my belly is already. Must be because it is the third.
    Husband: Maybe it because you started out bigger this time?
  • Once while pregnant I was battling severe morning sickness, right before work. I worked at a restaurant at the time so the mere thought of going to work with all that food was making things 10 times worse. As I’m huddled over the toilet, crying because I knew I had to go to work, my husband (who in his defense was just trying to help), told me “Just try not to think about it. It’ll go away.” 
  • Wife: Do you want to come to this doctor’s appointment with me? She’ll do an ultrasound – we might even get to see the gender!
    Husband: No. I can never make out those pictures. I don’t want to waste my time looking at something I can’t understand.
  • Wife: Man, my back is killing me with this pregnancy. Husband: That could be because you are more out of shape with this one.
  • During my fourth pregnancy I was put on bedrest and was being closely monitored, in part because my third baby had been stillborn. So, I was on bedrest from weeks 21 to 38/39. After 8 weeks of it, my husband was getting fed up.
      Him: You know, pregnancy isn’t an illness. A lot of women do a lot more during pregnancy than you’ve been doing. You did a lot more during the other three than you’ve done with this.
    • With #2 I ralphed many times a day for 18+ weeks when it finally tapered off that plus chasing my toddler around, and the fatigue I was really not enjoying it as much. DH said it was b/c I was not as active (!) and I had too much time on my hands to think about it and that was what was making me sick. I wanted to throttle him,
    • I remember when I was pregnant with my son, I bought some sweat pants and on the back of the butt it said hope, don’t ask me why i got them….lol!! But anyway I was wearing them and my husband sees them and says “Hope, What do you hope for? Your butt to get smaller!!!” I got so mad!! I never let him live it down, now he says well I am a butt guy!!!
    • Are those maternity pants going to fit you the whole time or are we going to have to buy more?
    • Two mornings ago while we were still in bed, the dog jumped up into our bed. I told him to get down because he’s a big dog and it’s just not comfortable. My husband turns to me and says, “We already have Jabba the Hut in bed, we might as well let the dog join.” I didn’t speak to him for the rest of the day!
    • DH: (In effort to help me hide pregnancy) “Do you want to change your clothes so you don’t look fat?”
      Me: I’m not fat, I’m pregnant.
      DH: I know, but you look fat. 
    • Him: “your only pregnant you know, its not such a miracle when millions of women do it all over the world every year”
    • When my mom was pregnant with my brother (I was 3 1/2) she told my dad that that it made her very tired to stand & do the dishes by hand every night, hoping he would do the dishes for her once in a while. He bought her a tall chair with a step, “It’s wonderful! You can sit down while doing the dishes!” It was thoughtful gesture, but not quite what she had in mind.
    As an update: I read these out loud to my husband who could only see truth an no error. He said he could make a list of all the ridiculous things pregnant women do that men find stupid. To which I say, "Go ahead dear, prove their point."


      1. Oh men! I want to hit them all sometimes! Just wait until that baby gets here and you're working on 2 hours of sleep and your husband says, "I don't know why people think it's so hard having kids; my life hasn't changed that much!" That gem was made after our first child. He's gotten smarter. Also after baby gets here, you're going to want to restrain yourself from hitting him with a pillow as he sleeps soundly next to you while you're up all night.

      2. oh boy. "are these maternity pants going to fit you the whole time?" yipes! I will say though, that I thought sort of similar to some of these comments before I got pregnant: my mom was telling me about how you just slow down and have a harder time walking and get really slow, etc when you get farther along. I remember thinking "yeah maybe you, but I'll be fine. I'm young!" And then, around 7 months or so, I got really, really slow. We were walking up to a BYU game, and Matthew commented that the elderly couple by us was walking faster than I was. ha.

      3. Oh my! So true! Men can be big oafs with their "no filter" mouths. I mean my husband just last night said he wanted a Trophy Wife (In joking, i Might add). I said I thought I looked pretty good for 42, then he said, "You are the hottest 42 year old I know...Wait, does Jennifer Aniston count?" I know where HIS head is...

      4. Oh my gosh this is so so so funny! I would just love to see a man handle being pregnant for a week and see how they handle it. =)