Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Words We Really Should Have Reconsidered

I’m a fan of the English language, I really am.  But I’m convinced that "those who made up words" for this language must have been a wee bit tipsy when some of the following words (and other words I haven't thought of) got the go-ahead-and-use-me-in-your-day-to-day-conversations approval. 

1.)   Moist-  Really?  Is there no other way for us to describe our most delicious baked goods?
2.)   Pantyhose- Pantyhose are neither my underwear nor my gardening tools.  So this word is really coming from all the wrong places.   
3.)   Mustard- I like mustard, but I may not like it so much anymore now that I realized the latter part of the word sounds like "turd". 

My four-year-old can make up better words that these.  As a matter of fact, he did:

1.)   Serbert

What does “serbert” mean?  It means that when it’s foggy you can get mad and then take a nap.  Duh. 

2.)   Doodie head

Doodie head is the name you call someone when you are making up names to call people.

3.)   Forlane Soldier

Forlane Soldier is what you call super hero action figures you don’t know the names of. 

Maybe he’ll be the one to come up with 2012’s version of 1999’s “dope” or 2005’s “sick”.  OHHHH SNAP!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

N is for Nursery

If you are new to the blog, or new to noticing me in real life, I am very pregnant.

In fact, almost every Sunday the primary president says me to with the cherriest face, "I just can't believe you are pregnant!" I really don't know how to respond to this. This whole pregnancy thing has been eight months in the making. These things don't really come out of the blue for most people.

So most of the time I say, "Yupe, isn't it great? We're so excited." And she almost inevitably says, "Well, we'll release you soon. It can't be easy to be in here." Which I think is very similar to when your visiting teachers say, "Well, call us if you ever need anything" because here I am, still in the nursery.

There is one really awesome thing about being in the nursery right now, okay maybe two:

1. I don't have to sit in hard uncomfortable chairs for three hours which is a HUGE bonus for my HUGE belly/bum/aching back. 

2. We have snack time
Snack time is actually more appealing to my husband than me. He affectionately calls the stale marshmallows "white rocks." And let me tell you what...the kids BEG for "white rocks" weekly.

Everything else is terrible (don't worry, the church is still true and the leaders are still inspired, just sometimes clueless):

1. Kids have snotty noses. They also droll. And they lick things (this is usually very gross and very funny at the same time). 
Try as I might, even with plenty of pretty "Bug Free is How We Want to Be" posters, we still have sick kids and I am ALWAYS catching their cooties. Stuffy nose + no lung space + anemic pregnant woman = constant mouth breathing and gasps for air. Super attractive people.

2. Kids love story time. 
And when you're two years old story time is incomplete without lap sitting.  Even if there are 17 of you, you will all struggle to find flesh to sit on. Because I have no lap these days the kids have resorted to sitting on my feet or wrapping their arms around my neck and hanging on me. I read stories more for my entertainment than theirs. They are pretty crafty with how they perch themselves.

3. Clean up time is a doozy. 
I don't bend so well anymore so this means I have to sing the "clean up song" extra convincingly and LOUDLY and directed at specific children or all the Mr. Potato head parts are doomed to scatterdom.

I'm not one to ask to be released. Really, I cringe at the thought of having to do it. ...So can one of you call my visiting teachers and tell them they could really "help me out" by dropping a hint the primary president.

Thank you and bless you.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Bringing Classy Back

My 17 year-old-self would hate what I'm about to say, but isn't it refreshing that the styles are starting to cover a little bit more again? I am a self-admitted celebrity gossip reader. I love to see pictures of what the stars are wearing. I also love award season. I love seeing all of the gorgeous dresses. I love the new trends and the new colors. But, to me, this award season has been especially classy.

We all remember these bare-all catastrophes.....

I am loving how many stars are looking so respectable and lady-like! I don't necessarily think you need to look Amish, but I love that the hemlines are a little longer and their cleavage isn't all over the place. They just look lovely.

This dress is a little prudish for me, but I decided that Angelina needs to cover those sad, emaciated arms. Someone give that poor girl some Oreos.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

About Macing A Dog...

When "Anonymous" (probably my mom) asks, how can I not respond?

Is there much more to tell about this story. Not really.

My running companion (who shall remain nameless) and I were taking an early morning jaunt, and being the paranoid people that we are (hint: we share genetics), we brought handheld mace with us on all early morning runs.

I've mentioned that I'm not a pet person so when a charging, big, black, scary dog came after us barking and growling with dripping jowls, what did I do? I cowered and screamed and ran the other direction. What did my running companion (okay, it was my sister; hint: her name rhymes with "smelly") do? She jumped to action whipping out her hand held spray and let it rip.

What did the dog do?

All I really remember is that he (I am assuming it was male...girl power!) backed down rather sheepishly and ran away. And we finished our run, never speaking of this incident (until the next day...and about yearly since).

I do not condone macing people's pets.

But I also do not condone letting your pet just roam and terrorize the neighborhood so that you don't have to have the responsibility for taking them on walks.

Moral of the story?

If you don't want added responsibility, you don't want a pet.

There you go. Dead horse beaten. I will now forever retire posts about pets.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Time to Tally!

Ever wondered who has the most power is in your relationship?

Yesterday, I encountered a couple where there was no question. I was in a Primary School giving a singing lesson to four little girls when in walked a set of their parents. They smiled pleasantly, and I noticed that the woman was quite attractive and dolled up – high heels, make up, big hair – and the husband was fairly plain. The woman clicked and pointed to where they would sit, and down they sat. Then I heard her tell her husband to get her a drink (no please or thank you required, apparently). As soon as he returned with water, he asked if he had any spending money this week. She replied with a flat “No.”

Clearly, she wears the pants in that relationship.

So what about you? Who wears the pants in your relationship, and how can you be sure?

Well, after consulting the most reliable sources on the net… you know, online quizzes and Wikipedia… I think I’ve found the perfect set of questions to consider:

1. Who is the most attractive? Apparently this is the number one determiner of who wears the pants. If you’re hot and he’s not, sorry, but you might be wearing your husband’s pants.

2. Who made the first move in your relationship? Did you hold his hand, or did he hold yours? Who kissed who? Think about it… because that person is indeed in control of all pants-ful-ness.

3. Are the friends you spend time with your friends, his friends, or mutual friends? If you’re in control of all friend activities, it might be time to loosen up your pants a little.

4. Who earns the most money in your relationship? If you have a large trust fund with high yield interest or are a high paid employee, you may in fact be emasculating your husband.

5. If you have children, who is the disciplinarian? Do you or your husband make the big calls on things for the kids? Maybe he doesn’t even know you had kids because you don’t let him out of his room?

Alright, so there you have it. Tally up ladies! How did you score?

I guess, if you’re connecting a chain up to his dog collar whenever you leave the house, you don’t really need to take the quiz. But then, you already knew that…

Thursday, February 23, 2012

A Hollywood Tragedy

If you're a child of the 80's you probably grew up watching Full House. Oh, how I loved this sitcom in my days of yore. Who am I kidding, I still love it.
Of course one of the dreamiest cast members was John Stamos, or as he was fondly known on the show, Uncle Jesse. A star on one of the best T.V. shows of all history - he was truly on top of his game.

And that's why my heart broke a little when I saw him on T.V. recently.It pains me to say this, but yes what you are seeing is our beloved John in a *gulp* yogurt commercial.

The highest of highs to the lowest of lows.
Hollywood is a cold, cruel place.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Taking Themes to the Extreme

I’ve been thinking about birthday parties lately.  I love a good party.  My kids love a good party.  But you know who doesn’t love throwing a good party?  My sanity. 

I am just not willing to deal with the kind of pressure that is “children’s birthday parties in these, the latter days”.  (Okay, there have been a few times I thought about it, but my brilliant husband reminded me of my inner stance against “The Man”) I sometimes feel like the following are prerequisites for birthday parties today:

1.)   Theme
2.)   Themed decorations
3.)   2-3 Themed activities
4.)   Themed cake
5.)   Themed ice cream
6.)   Themed gifts
7.)   Themed party favors
8.)   Themed take home craft

What the?  What happened to: invite people over you see at church, play outside, then have cake and ice cream?  Where did the simplicity go?  I blame Pinterest.  I had one birthday party growing up.  ONE!  We had non-themed cake and non-themed ice cream and then skated at the skate rink in our non-themed 90's whitewashed jeans.  My mom was one smart woman only allowing one birthday party.  Think of all the stress she avoided.  Plus, by not over doing it on birthday parties she helped keep me level-headed and grateful for what I did get instead of guiding me on a path of greedy expectations.  (Which, of course, doesn’t apply to all children, but probably would have been the case for me.)  I’m glad to know that their energy was spent with me at my favorite restaurant (KFC baby!) instead of planning a NKOTB party with Joey bobble head party favors.  

That being said, we still love invites to birthday parties, even if they are themed.  Because after all, nothing says friendship more than the themed “bring you kid over to my house for a couple hours so I can entertain them while you go to the grocery store all by yourself" party.   

Tuesday, February 21, 2012


I consider myself a fiercely loyal person (as so do all the personality tests I've taken since I was fourteen). That is why when I bought a new car this weekend, I nearly cried.

It is a very nice car. It has everything we were looking for. We spent over a year shopping for it because we, and by "we" I mean my husband, are OCD about getting a good deal.

I try to comfort myself with the memories of my old car. It was the car I got in high school and loved loved loved loved loved. It represented freedom, trust, and leaving the house whenever I wanted (back when going to the grocery store was fun). I realize that now it's time to pass the car on to my younger sister and I wish her all the same feelings joy and attachment I have felt.

But I still can't swallow the feelings of betrayal every time (it's been one day now) I drive by my old car, sadly parked on the side of the road because there is no room in the garage for it. The old car isn't yelling accusations, it's too good for that.

But the new car practically gloats (see actual image below). And that's what hurts the worst.

Monday, February 20, 2012

When Personal Training Gets Too Personal

Don't the people in this picture look happy working out? Don't they look like this is the best part of their day? This is most likely because her trainer is not her husband.

I love my husband. We have a ton of fun together and we have so many things in common. However, I think every couple has some things that are better, left out of marriage. We have a few things. Once, the hubs took me Salsa dancing for my birthday. The night ended with him not speaking to me and me crying the whole way home. Another thing we can't do together? Play board games, one-on-one. It gets WAY too competitive. In a group, we love it!

I had a baby a little over a year ago. I have been trying to get rid of the baby weight for a while. My exercise consists of running. I run to lose weight. I run to have a few minutes to myself each day. I run so that I can eat butter without worrying about heart disease.

After baby #1, running worked great to lose weight. After baby #2, not so much. So like any woman, I whine about my weight and my flabby arms. My husband kindly said, "Your way doesn't really seem to be working. How about you try it my way?" Nice, huh? So, I reluctantly agreed. We have been going to the gym together. He plans my work-outs (which consists of a lot of weight lifting). He even keeps track of everything on a spreadsheet. I have to give him credit for his organization. However, like any husband, sometimes he says the wrong thing.

Example #1.

"Babe, I don't think you can call it baby weight after a year. I'm pretty sure it's just fat now."

Example #2.

Husband - "Why don't you go do the StairMaster for a few minutes. It will make you have a great butt."
Me - "Don't I already have a great butt?"
Husband - "Yeah, but it could be tighter."

Example #3

Me - "I think all of this weight lifting is giving me those huge, scary, strong-girl muscles."
Husband - "Well, once you lose the layer of fat on top, your muscles won't look so big."

I am starting to think that a personal trainer might work better for me. I think I am just a little too sensitive to hear criticism from my husband. Even if it is well intended (and stupidly put).

What have you had to cut out of your marriage to keep the peace?

Saturday, February 18, 2012

They Are Just Cupcakes, After All

What's the deal with cupcakes? It seems that the cupcake is the dessert trend of the moment, and I for one have only ever found two places that can make them superior to the average home baker.

Place #1:
Best Buns Bakery in my neck of the woods, Arlington, Virginia. If I had one complaint about them, it would be that they are huge. But if you get them to share, they are heavenly.

Place #2:
The Sweet Tooth Fairy with several locations throughout Utah. I've never had a bad one from this place.

I recently returned from a trip to NYC with some friends where we stopped off at Magnolia Bakery to sample some cupcakes. Yeah...not so much. You'd be just as well off stopping at your local grocery store. I'm starting to think that all a cupcake establishment really needs to make it is a catchy story or a cute little shop. Magnolia has the cute little shop thing going, but not the product to match. And yet, the place was packed.

I've also had a subpar product from CakeLove. Story goes that this guy was a lawyer and quit his day job to make cake. They've got the catchy little back story thing going (although I think he really used his lawyering skills to franchise, so is it really JUST about "loving cake." I doubt it.), but yeah, the cake was not spectacular. In fact our cupcakes were frozen! Yes, they may be made "from scratch" but who knows when and where they were made.

AND how is it possible that there are 3 TV shows devoted to the cupcake? I mean, it really is only a cupcake. Who wants to guess what the next big dessert is? My money is on the tart.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Special Present

I love getting mail. We make quite the game out of it. I say ‘The mail’s here!’ and my one year old and I walk hand in hand down the sixty metre driveway to check the mailbox every afternoon. I sit him on the box as we pull out the contents. He loves it, and so do I. In this digital age, there’s something really fun about mail. Whether it is a letter from my missionary sister or a bill I have to pay, I just love to see the little envelope with my name on it smiling up at me.

I don’t really like sending mail. Who wants to handwrite a letter when typing is about fifty times faster? It’s just so… much… effort. And no one likes a typed letter. So the lazy person in me has trouble sending letters. The trouble with not sending letters is, of course, that you don’t end up with many letters. On days when there is no mail, a little part of me dies inside.

I still have to take that trip to the mailbox though. And sometimes, if we’re especially lucky (read unlucky) the neighbours’ dog has visited. Yes, the Border collie across the road has developed some deep seeded love of our mailbox also. He seems to have claimed it as his toilet. We live in an acreage community… it’s not like he doesn’t have yard of his own to use. So, I think he does it on purpose. His little doggy brain thinks ‘Hey, they didn’t get any mail today. I’ll leave them a special present... Right next to their mailbox where it's sure to be found.'
I’m not sure whether to be grateful… or kick him.

On some extra wonderful days, I get mail AND a special present from the neighbours' dog. Life really is one treat after another, don't you think? :)

Thursday, February 16, 2012

My Leap List

Evidently Honda started the concept of a Leap List (or 10 things to do before a major life event, such as getting married, turning a certain age, etc.) but I didn't hear of it until watching the Bachelor. Yes, you can learn something even when watching something as mindless as reality T.V. So, in light of that, er, enlightenment I have composed my own Leap List of things I want to do before turning 40. Except I only have 5 things on my list. Apparently, I'm not that ambitious.

1) I'd like to learn to crochet or knit. I've been meaning to get around to asking my 80-year old neighbor to teach me, but haven't yet. However, when I do finally learn you can bet I'm going to make awesome things like this:
Original product sold here.

2) I want to travel to Prince Edward Island. Because I love the movie Anne of Green Gables, that's why.

3)I'd like to learn to play the fiddle really well. Preferably without taking lessons or practicing.

4) I want to make close friends with someone famous. Hopefully this person will have lots of money and a generous spirit.

5) I want to perform a citizen's arrest.

Happily it is allowed in the United States but usually only done when witnessing someone performing a felony. I don't actually like to be around crime all that much, so I would prefer to arrest someone performing a misdemeanor, most likely the junior high students who skip school and hang out at the park by my house. I called the police about them again last week and I get the feeling the police may be getting tired of my calls. Next time, I'll take matters into my own hands.

What's on your leap list?

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Gym Etiquette (Well, all that etiquette talk got me thinking, you know?)

Let me ask you your opinion on etiquette at the gym:

1.)   Is it okay to race in front of someone slower than you during a drill in your cardio class?  You know, like you are running sprints in a line and the person in front of you is terribly slow and you want a good workout, and quite frankly won’t get it unless you race ahead of Sally Slow Pants. 
2.)   Should you or should you not stop to chat with someone who has their earphones in?
3.)   Should you interrupt someone’s workout to spout a quick one-liner at them?
4.)   Should you stare at waddling Ms. Preggers who is approaching the elliptical?
5.)   Is it okay to look at your exercising neighbor in disgust when you smell something fishy?
6.)   Should you leave a step or kickboxing class if you can’t follow the steps?  Does it throw everyone else in the class off?  Is it a distraction?
7.)   Is it okay to leave a fitness class early?  Does this bother fitness instructors? 

Here are my answers:

1.)   I’ll give you the “OK” to race in front of someone slower than you as long as you do it in a safe manner.  You’re paying for the class, you may as well get a good workout.
2.)   No.  A quick wave and smile is all you need.  If you want to chat, exercise with a friend who already knows you want to chat, or wait until their workout is over.
3.)   Only if you’re old and can get away with stuff like that.  Old people can pretty much say whatever they want at the gym and usually get a nice courtesy laugh.  But not if your sole motivation is to get a girl’s phone number. 
4.)   You shouldn’t, but it’s hard to look away.  Don’t take it the wrong way pregnant friends.  It happens to the best of us. 
5.)   Yes. ABSOLUTELY yes.
6.)   Yes.  I’ve had to leave 20 minutes into a class before.  Don’t pretend you know what you’re doing.  You are just throwing everyone else off and you’ll probably get a better workout on the treadmill at that point anyway.  Unless you’re old.  Then, again, you can get away with that kind of thing and continue your uncoordinated charade.
7.)   You know, sometimes people have other things to do, like buy milk before the kids get home or run to the little girls’ room, which I believe warrants an early exit. 

Yeah, I think I’m taking this workout stuff a little to seriously.  But time is money, baby, and I don’t have either.  So when it comes to working out, lets do it and get it done so I can burn calories quickly then get away from that smell and pick up my kid from school.  

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Say What?

I married my husband for a lot of reasons, one of them was his brains. He's a real thinker. This is why I feel perfectly fine publicly stating that he says some stupid things.

I'm all for honesty, so I don't mind when he tells me the truth, even if it is brutal at times. I like to believe that I'm level-headed enough to talk through things rationally, and I think he would tell you that I am too.

What really bugs me more than the dumb things he says, is that he actually believes what he says. Most of them relate to exercise like it is the cure-all magic bullet. If I had been more fit before pregnancy than A, B, and C would be exponentially better. Might I add that though I wasn't doing two-a-days, I had been doing P90x for a month and a half and exercised at least two times a week if not. It know I could have been more diligent, but give me some credit!

This is why when I stumbled across this article about dumb things husbands say to their pregnant wives I laughed out loud. Mostly in pure joy that I am not alone and in hilarity that men think so similarly (and, ahem, incorrectly).

Here are some of my favorites from the post and commenters:
  • Wife: This pregnancy is kicking my [butt].
    Husband: Maybe because you’re older and more out of shape than the other times? 
  • After being on bedrest and medication for three months and hospitalized for a week due to preterm labor, I was feeling badly because our neighbor, who was pregnant at the same time, was having no problems and I was having all kinds of problem. And my husband replied– well, you have to admit, you are just not as strong as her…”
  • Wife: Ugh. I can’t believe how huge my belly is already. Must be because it is the third.
    Husband: Maybe it because you started out bigger this time?
  • Once while pregnant I was battling severe morning sickness, right before work. I worked at a restaurant at the time so the mere thought of going to work with all that food was making things 10 times worse. As I’m huddled over the toilet, crying because I knew I had to go to work, my husband (who in his defense was just trying to help), told me “Just try not to think about it. It’ll go away.” 
  • Wife: Do you want to come to this doctor’s appointment with me? She’ll do an ultrasound – we might even get to see the gender!
    Husband: No. I can never make out those pictures. I don’t want to waste my time looking at something I can’t understand.
  • Wife: Man, my back is killing me with this pregnancy. Husband: That could be because you are more out of shape with this one.
  • During my fourth pregnancy I was put on bedrest and was being closely monitored, in part because my third baby had been stillborn. So, I was on bedrest from weeks 21 to 38/39. After 8 weeks of it, my husband was getting fed up.
      Him: You know, pregnancy isn’t an illness. A lot of women do a lot more during pregnancy than you’ve been doing. You did a lot more during the other three than you’ve done with this.
    • With #2 I ralphed many times a day for 18+ weeks when it finally tapered off that plus chasing my toddler around, and the fatigue I was really not enjoying it as much. DH said it was b/c I was not as active (!) and I had too much time on my hands to think about it and that was what was making me sick. I wanted to throttle him,
    • I remember when I was pregnant with my son, I bought some sweat pants and on the back of the butt it said hope, don’t ask me why i got them….lol!! But anyway I was wearing them and my husband sees them and says “Hope, What do you hope for? Your butt to get smaller!!!” I got so mad!! I never let him live it down, now he says well I am a butt guy!!!
    • Are those maternity pants going to fit you the whole time or are we going to have to buy more?
    • Two mornings ago while we were still in bed, the dog jumped up into our bed. I told him to get down because he’s a big dog and it’s just not comfortable. My husband turns to me and says, “We already have Jabba the Hut in bed, we might as well let the dog join.” I didn’t speak to him for the rest of the day!
    • DH: (In effort to help me hide pregnancy) “Do you want to change your clothes so you don’t look fat?”
      Me: I’m not fat, I’m pregnant.
      DH: I know, but you look fat. 
    • Him: “your only pregnant you know, its not such a miracle when millions of women do it all over the world every year”
    • When my mom was pregnant with my brother (I was 3 1/2) she told my dad that that it made her very tired to stand & do the dishes by hand every night, hoping he would do the dishes for her once in a while. He bought her a tall chair with a step, “It’s wonderful! You can sit down while doing the dishes!” It was thoughtful gesture, but not quite what she had in mind.
    As an update: I read these out loud to my husband who could only see truth an no error. He said he could make a list of all the ridiculous things pregnant women do that men find stupid. To which I say, "Go ahead dear, prove their point."

      Monday, February 13, 2012

      Magic or Tragic?

      Who likes zits? Not me. As a nearly 30 year old, shouldn't I be finished breaking out? I thought so, too. I have tried many remedies, but to no avail. Years ago an interesting (read: super-weirdo) woman told me to wrap a peed-in baby diaper around my face to clear up my skin. What the crap?!? After that, a friend of mine did some research and discovered that people actually do that! Apparently it is called Urine Therapy, or Urotherapy.

      Evidently, Urotherapy has been around for centuries. In Roman times they drank their urine to whiten their teeth. I don't get this...pee is yellow. In Southern China, babies' faces were washed with urine as a skin protectant. To protect from what? Male animals marking their territory? In France, they soaked stockings in urine and then wrapped them around their necks to cure strep throat. The only reason this worked was because no one would come near them again to re-infect them.

      I am a complete germaphobe, so this really freaks me out. I Googled Urine Therapy and found out that it is widely practiced today. All over the world. On one site promoting Urine, I read:

      "Urine therapy refers to one of several uses of urine to prevent or cure sickness, to enhance beauty, or to cleanse one's bowels. Most devotees drink the midstream of their morning urine. Some prefer it straight and steaming hot; others mix it with juice or serve it over fruit. Some prefer a couple of urine drops mixed with a tablespoon of water applied sublingually several times a day. " source

      Did anyone else just dry-heave? I think I will keep the zits, thanks.

      Saturday, February 11, 2012

      Petiquette (Pet Etiquette, Clever Right?)

      Yeah, it's another etiquette post. We should just make this an etiquette blog at this point, right?

      I've done 73 posts on this blog since it's beginnings. And I'm going to be honest, I've had this idea in mind for awhile, but pets are a sensitive topic so it's taken me awhile to decide that this was a topic to tackle.

      With that in mind, I have a confession.

      I don't like pets. I'm not an animal person, at all. Some people aren't pet people because they didn't grow up with pets, and they had a lack of exposure to pets. This isn't the case with me. We always had a pet of some sort, and I'm here to tell you that it is possible for a kid to have a dog for 10+ years and still be afraid of dogs. I'm that kid. I'll admit, I have a soft spot in my heart for 2 cats we had over the years, but it's not super soft.

      I do, however, like pet people. Usually (HUGE generalization and stereotype coming), pet people are kind and forgiving and non-judgemental. In another life I aspire to be like pet people. So I really mean no offense here.

      I don't think that pet people have to cater to non-pet people, but there are several things you need to know about how non-pet people perceive your pets. This is me being totally honest, so you may choose to ignore what I say and continue some of your pet habits, but just know that they may be others' pet peeves (pun intended).

      1. If you have a non-pet person in your home, know that they want nothing to do with your pet. They don't want your pet to sniff them, crawl on them, lick, scratch, or even nuzzle them. They want you to put your pet away. If it's clear that a child is scared of your pet, don't think you're doing them a favor by making them pet your pet. They don't want to, you're not their parent, so don't make them.

      2. A non-pet person is never going to tell you that they aren't a pet person. They'll simply just endure and cringe internally while your pet is crawling all over them. You're going to have to use your own judgment in deciding their level of comfort around your pet. Usually, people will mention if they like pets. If they don't mention it, they don't like your pets. Take action accordingly.

      3. Don't try to convince a pet person that your pet is really "nice dog" or a "friendly dog" or a "gentle cat." They aren't buying it. If my two year old were screaming and crawling all over someone while drooling, I don't think that I'd stand in a corner and say, "Yeah, he's just getting used to you. He's really a gentle kid." So I really can't understand why pet people think that this behavior is acceptable from their pets, but then again, I don't get it.

      4. Q. Do non-pet people think it's weird when pets are in family pictures?
      A. Yes.

      5. Do non-pet people think dressing pets is weird?
      A. Yes.

      6. It's really gross to a non-pet person when you kiss your pet. At all. It's even more gross when spit is involved in these kisses. They want to dry heave when they see this.

      7. It's VERY inconvenient to ask someone to watch after your pet while you're on vacation without being paid, but it's SUPER inconvenient and uncomfortable to ask a non-pet person. I love the irony in finding your pet too inconvenient to take on vacation, but not finding it too inconvenient to ask other people to watch your pet while you go. My mom was always great at paying the neighbor kids to do this, and I'm fine with that.

      8. The neighborhood is not your pet's playground to a non-pet person. Don't just let your pet roam free in the neighborhood. Someone I once was running with (who shall remain nameless), maced a dog that was coming after us; this action, was totally justified to me (the non-pet person). If you don't want this action to happen to your charging pit bull, please keep them locked up.

      Friday, February 10, 2012

      Generation Y – The Sucker Generation

      It seems I don’t go a week without an invitation to some kind of party. I am not suggesting that I am uber popular. In fact, I’m a sucker. And here’s news for you – we all are!

      Makeup, cleaning products, lingerie, scrapbooking and card making, chocolates, plastic ware, educational books, self help products and movies. Apparently, anything can be a party. What's next, cucumber parties? And there’s multiple brands selling these products.

      People are typically suckered into having the party at a similar party they attended earlier. Then, they invite others who attend because they’re nice and are suckered into buying something. I cannot tell you the amount of times I go to these parties and scour the brochure to find the very cheapest thing to buy just to support the person. Then a few people at that party are suckered into having a party at their house at a later date, and the cycle continues.

      I don’t know about you, but I only really remember Tupperware, Avon and Amway from when I was growing up. These days, it’s a massive part of our lives. Why the explosion? What is it about Gen Ys that makes them the sellers, buyers, and promoters of every product imaginable? Why are we such easy targets for advertisers?
      We are suckers.

      And that’s that!

      PS. I’m not a party hater. In fact, I go to lots of them and love it! And that my friends, is part of my sucker instinct.

      Thursday, February 9, 2012


      There's no way around it. I'm Frugal. Yes, with a capital F.

      Sometimes it's good because I save my family money. For example, I like to buy used furniture and paint it - saving hundreds of dollars. I also like to make my own baby food also saving my family hundreds of dollars (or maybe one hundred dollars total, I don't know).

      But sometimes it's bad because I spend more money. How, you ask?
      Example 1:
      I like a certain kind of powder foundation but I don't like the price, so the last time I needed to restock on this makeup I bought a cheaper alternative. It didn't work. So, then I bought a different cheaper alternative. Also, didn't work. By this time I had spent more than I would have buying the brand I already knew I liked. And then, of course, I still had to go to the store and buy it. Yes, the waste of money made my stomach hurt.

      And sometimes it's bad because I waste time.
      Example 2:
      I hate when food goes to waste, but sometime when you buy things at Costco, say a large container of grapes, you end up with more food than your little family can consume in a short amount of time. So what did I do with the wilted grapes? Throw them out? No, because that would be practical. I cut them all in half so I could feed them to our chickens. It took up 20 minutes of the approximate 30 minutes of down time I have each day. I also save every apple core so we can feed them to our horses. Even though a bag of brown apple cores in my fridge is less than appealing I sleep better at night knowing they aren't sitting in my garbage can going to waste.

      Ironically, although I am cheap and like to save money I have yet to venture into the world of couponing. Talk about intimidating and time-consuming. I have better things to do with my time, like rinsing used paper towels and hanging them out to dry. Kidding. Maybe?

      Wednesday, February 8, 2012

      Gun Shots and Snakes: What is keeping us here?

      A few months back I heard several gun shots in front of our house.  I thought it was a fluke.  You know, like I actually really do live in a safe neighborhood and shouldn’t really worry about my personal safety.  After many friendly interactions with my neighbors and the like, I had pretty much convinced myself that it was all in my head.  Until I heard more shots Saturday night.  A LOT MORE! 

      I’m not just talking:  bam, bam, bam, bam. 

      I’m talking: BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM…pause. pause. pause….BAM, BAM, BAM. 

      That’s enough bams to make a girl wet herself.  (not really, but maybe if I was 90.)  Or possibly crawl to the ground away from the window.  (true, but possibly embarrassing.)  

      I’d like to say someone was just shooting crickets.  Or maybe that snake that got into our house a couple years back got into someone else’s house and they gave him the what-for.  (I wouldn’t mind.  That thing could have eaten my children!  Or my Oreos!)  

      (Actual pictures of the actual snake in my actual house.)

      Either way, I’m just glad we’re moving in May. 

      Oh May, you are so far away…

      Tuesday, February 7, 2012

      Etiquette--Is is dead or not?

      The topic of etiquette seems to be a reoccuring one in my life lately. I think most traditional etiquette rules are lost on my generation (cue talking on the phone at the grocery store check-out and over-telling of personal information on Facebook). I can't decide whether or not I think it matters.

      I think it matters when following the rules of etiquette help you to show appreciation. For example, I wrote thank you cards to everyone who helped with my wedding and gave gifts. Many people commented that they were shocked to receive a thank-you note, expressing that they don't often receive them. Is this practice out-dated? Another is RSVPing. I'm always pleasantly surprised when people do RSVP, but it happens so rarely. Again, I think it shows appreciate for the invitation and all the work that goes into planning and hosting an event.

      I think that rules of etiquette don't matter when the behavior in question doesn't have to directly affect anyone else. For instance, the idea that it is inappropriate to have a baby shower for a second child seems so silly to me. If someone wants to host a baby shower for a friend--kudos, what a generous offer. If you're offended by this, what's your deal? Don't come. 

      What rules of etiquette do you live by? What could you do without?

      Monday, February 6, 2012

      Famous Hair

      My love of hair started at a young age. I love all of the different colors and textures and I love the possibilities. I love looking through celebrity gossip magazines for new ideas. Wouldn't it be fantastic to have your very own stylist? One who knew exactly what would look best on you? What would bring out the color of your eyes? One that would flatter you when you are carrying a little extra weight?

      Sadly, I am just a regular girl, without a stylist. So, I have to make my own decisions. Sometimes they work out and sometimes the don't.

      When I was 4, I decided that Cyndi Lauper was probably the most beautiful woman on Earth. I loved that funky look she had going on. While my mom was gone one evening and my older siblings were supposed to be watching me, I decided to cut my hair. I wanted that asymmetrical look. So, I cut one side of my hair to the scalp. I thought it was fabulous. My mom did not. She had my hair buzzed so that it would be even. In my preschool class picture, I was on the back row with the boys. You would never know that little boy in the back row actually had butterflies embroidered on her corduroy pockets.

      When I was 13, EVERYONE had the "Rachel" haircut. Naturally, I did too. However, what 13 year-old actually does her hair very well? The cut may have been this, but it certainly never looked like this.

      The next celebrity I tried to mimic was the lovely, Victoria Beckham. I have to say, I rocked this one. I LOVED being super blonde. I think the only reason it worked out was that I lived in Utah at the time and we all know they have the best stylists. Plus, I didn't have kids yet and I had the time to spend 40 minutes on my hair each morning.

      A few times in my life I have been told that I look like Natalie Portman. (However, someone once told me that I look like Tyra Banks. So, I'm not sure how reliable people are when they tell you that you look like a celebrity.) Anyway, I figured, if I looked like Natalie Portman, her haircut would look great on me! Wrong. It did not. We all know that I don't have any boobs. So, somehow I made a full circle to looking like a little boy again.

      My last haircut, I decided on the following. Pretty cute. It worked well, but I'm over it. Since I live in Utah again with amazing stylists, anyone have any good celebrity haircut suggestions?

      Saturday, February 4, 2012

      On My Soapbox: COSTCO!!!

      I sort of hate it when Utahns complain about Costco because I am here to tell you that Costco in Utah is a pleasant experience compared to Costco in Metro DC. Last winter, while living in the Beehive State, I would sometimes just go to Costco with my kids to get out of the house, peruse books, and try a few samples. The aisles are wide and the service is friendly. (Seriously. People who work at Utah Costcos always look like they are having fun.) And, I don't care if you go the day of the BYU/Utah football game, any Saturday, or even the day before Thanksgiving. It's still a pleasure. A real treat if you will.


      (A real picture, taken by me)

      Mind you, it was a Wednesday. At 11:00 AM. Not a special Wednesday. A very normal one.

      Not only that but when you come to my Costco, you have to pick up a parking ticket. Assuming you find a place to park (in super tight stalls) at all, you then have to take said parking ticket with you, show the parking ticket attendant your receipt, and then he'll validate it. But if you happen to drop and lose this 2x2 inch paper parking ticket (say while you reach in your pocket to pull out your phone), they'll charge you $20. Unless of course, you can scavenge your way back through hoards of people, with your three kids in tow, and magically find your parking ticket in the produce section after 30 minutes of searching.

      This also happened to me this month...TWICE!

      So Lindsay, why do you continue to go to Costco if you hate it so badly?

      I don't know!! I would explain it if I could, but at this point, I don't really know what my life looks like without Costco. Cheap formula and diapers for starters. If someone could find me some good therapy, maybe I could beat this addiction.

      So the next time you're at a Utah Costco, I want you to stop and check out every LDS book there and admire all the local temple art you can, and know that in the big city, they've replaced this section with wine. Lots of it. Be grateful Utahns!!

      Friday, February 3, 2012

      Not all superheroes wear capes

      One day, you’re unwittingly selfish. You shop for yourself, you look after your own talents, you make food for yourself, and you are your own number one. You buy new clothes for yourself and spend time doing your hair and makeup.

      You cringe at the thought of changing poopey nappies day after day.

      And what seems like the next day, you are forgotten. You are not what matters. You gaze into that squishy little face and you’re ready to lay your entire life down for someone you have only just met. And when you do, you develop some super skills.

      Even before the baby arrives, a pregnant woman’s sense of smell keeps her away from spoiled food. She instinctively knows how to protect her child. A woman’s ears somehow become attuned to the sound of her own baby crying. Somehow she grows eyes in the back of her head. She develops super courage that will take over when necessary. Swarm of bees? Pfft… look like butterflies to me! She develops super strength and will fight off a lion, lift a fridge, or swim to the bottom of the ocean to save her child.

      So, my super friends, take a moment to look in the mirror and congratulate yourself. For you are a superhero!

      Thursday, February 2, 2012

      T.V. Head

      You may be surprised to know that I do not have cable or satellite on my T.V. I know, do I sound like an 80 year old or what? Normally this isn't a problem because I don't like to watch a lot of T.V. (I mean, who does when you have less than 10 stations to choose from?) However, since I currently spend an exorbitant amount of time feeding my baby, at all hours of the day and night, I have taken up watching T.V. to pass the time. So what does one watch without the luxury of HGTV or TLC, you wonder?
      Well, a little of this:

      A bit of that:

      This, if I'm lucky:

      And occasionally this:

      Makes you want to cancel your cable, doesn't it?