Remember that one time when my two year old ran out of the bathtub, (naked) stood by my side, and peed on me and my new jeans. And remember how I didn’t even change out of the aforementioned jeans for the rest of the day. Actually, you wouldn’t remember because it only happened five days ago. But I remember. And if they say there are “a-ha” moments when you realize you have let yourself go, that was definitely my moment. Other moments leading up to this moment may or may not include:
1.) Wiping my kid’s nose with my hand.
2.) Pretending I didn’t see my kid eat that M&M off the floor.
3.) Forgoing my kid’s hand washing after a midnight trip to the bathroom.
4.) Wearing the shirt that my child wiped snot all over for a date.
What’s really weird about all of this is that people still want to hang out with me. Actual people too. Not just dogs and hamsters. Either they are oblivious to it or someone is bribing them.