This week I came across ‘Truths for Mature Humans’ in my online travels. You can find the original link here, but this is my version entitled ‘Truths for Mature Women’ - some original, some copied, and some edited.
1.Nothing sucks more than that moment in an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
2.Part of a best friend’s job should be immediately clearing your underwear drawer after you die.
3.I totally take back all those times when I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
4.Crazy toddlers are always so much cuter when they’re asleep.
5.Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty. You can wear them forever.
6.There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
7.It’s hard to not compete with the mother who seems to have everything. Oh your child walked at 10 months? I’m pretty sure mine walked at nine months and twenty- nine days.
8.It is impossible to fold a fitted sheet.
9.Just because your underwear is made of denim, doesn’t make them shorts.
10.It’s hard to remember a time when I wasn’t at least a bit tired.
11.Bad decisions, embarrassing moments, and children’s poop mishaps all make good stories.
12.You never know when it will strike, but there is the moment in your day when you realize you aren’t going to accomplish anything else productive for the rest of the day.
13.I wish we could wear signs to warn others. I'd wear 'PMS', 'So tired I could cry', 'Happy dance', 'Was just peed on', and 'If you ask me one more stupid question...' on appropriate occasions.
14.It’s terrifying when I exit out of word and it asks if I want to save changes to my ten page technical report that I swear I didn’t make changes to.
15.When I actually take the time to put on make up, do my hair, and remove all stray Cherios from my pant leg, I inevitably don’t see anyone important out that day. But don’t wash your hair, go make up free, and leave the Cherios…. You see the whole ward. Guaranteed.
16.I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
17.I wish Google Maps had an ‘avoid ghetto’ routing option.
18.I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19.Sometimes I look at my watch three consecutive times and still have no idea what time it is.
20.‘Do not machine wash or tumble dry’ means I will never wash this – ever.