Monday, November 7, 2011

Motherhood: A Secret Society

I have always wanted to be a mom. When I was five, my mom wrote in my journal that I wanted 24 kids and 24 sheep so that I could make all of their clothing. I was a very ambitious child. I always made my Barbies have babies. I loved to pretend my dolls were my real babies. I loved to babysit. I couldn't pick a career choice for the life of me because all I really wanted was to be a mother. Well, all of my dreams came true and I am a mom. I LOVE it. However, there are a few things that I don't think other mothers tell you before you become a mother. But, since I like to be open and honest....I will tell you the things that no one else tells you.

1. Having a baby hurts. This isn't news. But no one tells you that it hurts like nothing else you could imagine. It is so painful that you push the thought of it back into the deepest recesses of your memory and forget all about it. And then you are stupid enough to do it again.

2. Babies are always leaking something. Drool, snot, pee, poop. Always. And you will get to the point where none of it grosses you out anymore. Then one day you will wipe your kid's nose with your own shirt and realize how disgusting you have become.

3. Setting your clocks back does not mean you get an extra hour of sleep anymore. It just means that your kids wake up an hour earlier.

4. You will drive all the way back to church for the hand sanitizer that has become your child's most cherished possession when he forgot it in the nursery. Or you will turn around, race back to the grocery store to find the stuffed animal that was left behind in the shopping cart. Then you will swear that the next time they forget it, you are just going to leave it there....but you can't bring yourself to ever do it because their tears melt you to pieces.

5. You will most likely sink to your child's level at some point. This may include sticking your tongue out at them, rolling your eyes, slamming your bedroom door, pouting, mimicking, or all of the above.

6. You will clean up barf. Probably more times than you thought possible.

7. No matter what you do to prevent it, your child will get a hold of a permanent marker, make-up, pen or something else that might be used for wall/body art. The damage is child-specific.

8. And one day, your child will tell you they love you, all on their own, without any prompts and you will turn to mush.

Maybe no one tells you these things because it would scare you off. Maybe it is because motherhood is amazing. Boogers, barf, tantrums and all.


  1. So, so, SO true. Every word!! : )

  2. No one ever told me that I should NOT buy any new furniture while I have small children. I am so mad at someone for not telling me. Because seriously, all my nice furniture ain't so nice anymore. As a matter of fact, it's almost embarrassing to have people over to sit on my couch.. it's that gross.

  3. How about how nobody tells you that after you have a baby you bleed for 6 weeks? Nobody spills that one, then you have to call your own mother in tear because you think your hemoraging and going to die because NO ONE can bleed for 6 weeks and live...

    Or how nobody tells you that once you have a kid, your own heart leaves you body and walks around in that other little body, and you cry when he takes your heart into Kindergarten on the first day, and I would swear he is jumping on it because even though your happy about the transition from toddler to real boy, your heart hurts all day long. (this has actually only happened with my middle one...the other two? Not so much. Really just glad to get them into school.)

  4. Love your post Lindsay! You are right on target about everything!! It's a good thing little babies are so dang cute to counter-balance the rest, huh?

  5. I was laughing through this post, and all of them TRUE.

  6. And then no one tells you that your kids will also be the experts on parenting. Just this morning Mya said to me, "You are not doing a very good job being a Mom."

  7. well said Lindsay. I always wanted to be a mother too. It is the best part of life.