I think I came out of the womb with two left feet, pigeon toes and maybe an inner ear problem. Never has there been a person with so little grace and coordination. Yet, I always try to prove myself wrong. I think I’m pretty smart. This has got to be mind over matter, right?
In 6th grade I went to a birthday party at a roller rink. Complete with disco ball, brown skates and Boyz II Men. I held hands with a boy while we skated and proceeded to fall flat on my butt, dragging him down with me. (I guess that is what I get for having a boyfriend before I was 16). Traumatizing. This is why I won’t go roller/ice skating with my husband and Roller Derby is definitely out of the question.
In Junior High, I was looking back at someone while I was walking and hit a fire hydrant (with a traffic cone on top of it) and did a complete flip over it. I did not land on my feet.
In high school I decided to try a little cross-country running. I was ok at running the track, what could be so different about a little grass? Well, I came to find out that grass hides logs. Logs will trip you. And you will get hurt.
So, when Jami asked me to join her at a Hip Hop class at the gym a few years ago, I decided that maybe dance could help me become graceful. Jami rocked it. She had the moves down after the first try. I struggled, I turned the wrong way, I looked like Kermit the Frog. The instructor looked straight into my eyes and told me I needed to find my inner-funk. I’m sorry, I’m a white girl from the middle-of-nowhere Colorado. We don’t have funk there. We have barn dances. Does that count? Anyway, it was a complete disaster. At the end of the class I told the instructor thank-you and not to expect me back. He said, “I think you have made a wise decision”. Ouch.
I think it may be time to throw in the towel and just come to grips with the fact that I will probably never make millions as a dancer, runner or anything that involves feet.
Any suggestions for a new dream?