Monday, September 5, 2011

The Spinster and the Criminal

There came a time around 22(ish) when I decided that the guys I was dating were not marriage material. And in Mormon time, I was practically a spinster. Ward member's cousins, and friend-of-a-friends, and nephews, and former pupils were starting to come out of the woodwork. "Please! Help us marry off this poor unfortunate girl who is on a dangerous, downward spiral to never getting married!" A little dramatic, I thought. Anyway, I decided if I was going to attract the kind of man I wanted to marry (respectable, handsome, 6', gallant, the list goes on), I was going to have to take matters into my own hands. It even involved buying longer shorts. True story.

So, off I went to a Singles Ward BBQ. It was painful in so many ways. Plus the girl/guy ratio was like 47:1. Odds were not good. Suddenly, a guy playing football caught my eye. Handsome, tall, clean cut. Plus, he was athletic! He had a pedometer around his ankle! A sign he wouldn't let himself go! We got to chatting and it was going great! A few of us decided to go out after the BBQ and I invited him along. He said, "Sure! That sounds great. But, I have to be home by 9.” What kind of 25 year old has a 9 o'clock curfew? I don't think I had a 9:00 curfew since I was 7.

Turns out folks that the pedometer was a probation-house-arrest-ankle-bracelet. With a 9 o'clock curfew.

I always knew how to pick 'em.


  1. That is possibly the most awesome story I've ever heard.

  2. that was hilarious linz! great story!

  3. Wow this is such a great story. I loved it.

  4. Tragically, I'm more concerned about a dude who wears a pedometer (NERD ALERT!) than I am about one who wears an ankle bracelet. Oh, and welcome to the blog.