Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Top 5 Reasons I Don't Do Home Births

A friend of mine does home births. One day, I told her I don’t like it when, right after giving birth, the doctor slaps the slime-a-fied baby on top of me. I think it’s gross. Totally gross. I want them to clean that baby up and bring him or her over in a nice soft blanket, slime free. As a home birther, she must have been appalled with me. She jokingly rolled her eyes and left the room. But I know, deep down, she couldn’t believe that someone actually didn’t want to hold their baby right away. She thinks I’m crazy.

On top of the slimy baby thing, I’m just not the all natural (or brave) type. So, today I’m going to share with you the top five reason I don’t do home births. Maybe one day I’ll have my friend write an opposing list and you can decide from there how you want to birth your own child J

1.) Epidurals!!! Best $2000 we ever spent.

2.) The Mess. I’m not going to go into gory detail here, but I REALLY don’t want to clean THAT up.

3.) The Beds. Because my bed at home does not move up and down with the touch of a button.

4.) The recovery area. Are you kidding me? Two whole days in a room with my quiet newborn, no other kids, nurses who attend to me, food I don’t have to cook, and a nursery allowing me a full nights rest. What’s not to love?

5.) Other Medical Technology. Some women don’t like having monitors and all that jazz hooked up to them, but I am all for it.

And that’s that. My best wishes to you and your choice of birthing place!


  1. Okay, I'm sorry I have to get this off my chest. I'm really beginning to hate issues like this. When it comes to birthing methods, breastfeeding decisions, and how to raise your child I really hate how heated and personal the debate becomes. I think it boils down to the fact that women make what they feel is the best choice for their family, and unfortunately it becomes the "right" choice and they defend it as such making everyone who chose otherwise feel bad or stupid, or like they didn't chose the best for their child. Moms make a choice, and then find cite the information that justifies their choice so they can feel good about it...which makes sense. This reminds me of Lindsay's breastfeeding post. My friend wrote a really interesting post on her personal blog about her decision to pursue a natural birth. In it she said that giving birth was one of the most spiritual experiences she's ever had. She said, "I feel like a deer in headlights when I am in a conversation and I hear, 'I don't know why anyone would have a natural birth!' It cuts me to the heart. What do they think of me? That I am stupid? That I don't realize I had a choice? I spent 9 months researching, collecting data, taking classes about all my options and I made a choice. And if you want that research I can give it to you. But there is nothing in the world besides the love and security of having my family forever that can trump feeling God's grace like that. I realize that (hopefully) every birth is a spiritual experience- and probably having a peaceful, pain free labor is spiritual to another mother. That is probably why they say things like that- because the birth of their baby was the most spiritual thing they have felt. But it wouldn't be for me. Drugs make me crazy, I feel out of control and sick to my stomach. If a woman who labored naturally said, "I don't know why anyone wouldn't have a natural birth!" I'm sure there would be some sort of upheaval in the world and the woman would be shunned. But it's never going to happen the other way around. Why isn't there some equality on both sides? In the end, I don't care what choices a mother makes- as long as she has a good birth experience. I really do believe that. I just wish there wasn't this negative rap about "those naturally birthing women." We are not stupid, or trying to one up somebody- we are only trying to do what is best for our personal situation." The comments in response to her post were equally interesting. On woman said that when she was scheduled to have a c-section her visiting teacher (who has home births) said "so you are going the easy route?"..which comment was totally hurtful to the woman. Another said in it seems like she lives in a ward where everyone does natural births. She said, "I almost felt ashamed going back to church. I know that sounds so stupid, but I did. Everyone I know who goes naturally is so vocal about how amazing it was that I kind of felt belittled for getting an epidural. That was just compounded with one of my very best friends. She had a hypnobirth and thinks natural is the only way to go. When I told her my birthing story, all she had to say was, "Why did you do that, didn't you know....blah blah" or "oh, you could have done this other thing" or " I'll set you up with an instructor so you can try it again". It just made me feel like I did something wrong." I don't have kids yet, but I'm obviously already bugged by the issue. Having children is not easy, nor is making decisions about how to care for them. Then why do we have to inflict mommy guilt on others just to feel better about our choices?

  2. Yeah... people need to stop. Every woman has a different story for a reason. 1 woman that can handle a natural birth may not be able to endure what comes with a C-section or the other way around. I in fact haven't been bothered for my C-section but have friends that have, luckily I also have a friend that does natural and actually just brought a beautiful baby by doing a home birth recently. I think every birthing experience is beautiful and diverse. Without having all of the different stories of ways that women have had birth I don't think I could have felt as prepared going into the situation as I did.

  3. Erica- you make some excellent points! I am grateful I didn't feel belittled at all in the above situation and hope my friend didn't either. If anything it's awesome to know I can joke around, and be friends with someone (like my friend mentioned in this post) even though we have vastly different opinions and experiences surrounding our birthing methods or any other subject for that matter.

  4. Although every other post on this blog is basically about personal opinion, apparently this is one that's pretty touchy. I'm with you, though, Jami - I would never have a baby at home. Going through birth was THE physically hardest thing I've ever done, and that's with the miracle epidural running through my system. With that said it doesn't automatically mean that I think people who give birth at home are weird, crazy, or psycho, it just means I wouldn't do it. No need for others to feel guilty or bad because someone chooses differently.

  5. I guess my only comment is that when I became a mom, I was actually really surprised by how sensitive and competitive it ALL is. I don't think people who choose to give birth at home or go natural are crazy. Some have an awfully easy go of it/wonderful experience. I'm with Jami on this one though. I thought that my hospital experience was great/spiritual/worth the money. Others don't feel that way. I'm cool with that. Your birth=your kid=your choice. The major thing that I always go back to though is that my oldest sister gave birth the first time via emergency c-section (a fluke in the birth canal had her child's hand coming first). This fluke had nothing to do with the fact that she was in the hospital and could have certainly happened at home. They got my niece out in 2 minutes. If at home giving birth my niece and my sister would have almost certainly died. That's why so many pioneers did die during childbirth. That's a risk I'm not willing to take by giving birth at home.

    I also don't think those who breastfeed are crazy (HELLO! That's most of the world), and I hope that my post didn't indicate that. I thought that the radio interview I referred to was actually really balanced and fair. Others may not have thought so. I welcome discussion on any subject without needing to call names/put others down. So I'll apologize now if anyone felt I did that. I was mainly reflecting on my experience/thoughts on breastfeeding as I am mostly reflecting on my experience/thoughts on all subjects I write about on this blog. I'm with Jami also about sharing different opinions on the subject in a civil albeit lighthearted manner. If you think differently, that's fine. Give me your reasons, and let's talk about it. Writing a post about your reasons for feeling something (even if it's in a humorous way) doesn't mean you can't see the merit on the other side of an issue or that merit isn't there (or that you think anyone is "crazy" who thinks differently than you).

    And this may be going too far, but I think we all need to remember that when people say things like "I don't know why anyone would choose to go naturally" or "I don't know why people would pay for an epidural" etc. that we are choosing to be offended by statements that can be easily defended with civility or be shrugged off altogether. No need for tears, Ladies! Relax! Do what you think is best and move on with life. Being offended is a choice. Don't get caught up in what others think.

    In other news, Nebraska is the most boring state in the union to drive through (I welcome any and all opinions on this subject).

  6. I agree with all of you. I hope I didn't come off as hating on Jami's post. The topic of the post really just reminded me of issues that I've been mulling around in my mind for a while (and dealing with as I talk to moms) and I needed a place to share them. So please, don't take my comment as an attack, but as a separated though related thought. I'm all for being relaxed and chilling out, I think it only helps issues like these. And I apologize if I came off as too intense (you all know my husband right? He may or may not have rubbed off on me. Haha).

  7. I for one, love slimified babies. Squish face and all :)

  8. I think the most important thing to remember about birth, is that we are lucky enough to be surrounded by choices and lots of information in order to make the choices best for us.
    Because we can choose, we need to also choose to respect (even if we don't understand) the birth choices of others. Birth is a very personal, sacred thing, no matter how it all happens.

  9. I love Lindsay's comment! Well said! Loved the post too, you made me laugh so hard I had tears.