Monday, August 29, 2011

Flatlands


Once upon a time, I had boobs. Great boobs. You know the kind. The pre-baby, pre-weight gain/weight loss, pre-nursing boobs. They were cute and perky. Sometimes I miss them. Sometimes I realize it doesn't matter. But, I still hold a tiny bit of hope that they will return to their former glory...without a surgeon becoming involved.

I used to massage an older couple years ago. The wife was a little crazy (to put it mildly). She would take a sleeping pill and a muscle relaxer before each massage. I would like to blame the following story on her pill popping, but I'm afraid she would have done it without impaired judgment.

Here I was, quietly massaging, enjoying the lovely music and calming aromas, when suddenly she sits up and says, "You know, you really have nice breasts. What kind of bra are you wearing?" And before I could react, she felt me up. Two hands and a firm grip. No joke.

Still wanting to get paid for the massage (and at this point wondering if I am going to get my license revoked) I kindly helped her lie back down onto the table and told her I got my bra at Target.

I've gotta say, boobs can be a blessing and a curse. But, since I really don't have any, I don't have to worry about it.

5 comments:

  1. They should have a video (similar to the one we watched in preparation for maturation in 4th grade) for women in their late 20's early 30's called "my changing body".

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  2. Oh my word...I totally laughed out loud when I read this! Number one I totally agree with your first two sentences as I too suffer the same plight. Number two that story is hillarious, some people! And to jami's comment all I can say is AMEN sister! By the way I totally love this blog and reading what you girls write...its fabulous! I linked to it from Jami's Facebook and i hope you don't mind that I am totally going to blog stock you now!

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  3. SO funny! Holy cow! What a lady, haha. Sounds like you handled it beautiful. I buy my bras at Target too!! I'm going to start stalking this blog, its just lovely!

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  4. Drug addicts are always trying to cop a feely aren't they? Creepos. (Great post Linz!)

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  5. Some hope from your lovely sister-in-law. I HAVE FABULOUS BOOBS!!!!! As you know, I had two kids, I breastfed them both: Iver for 14 months, then a little two month break, and Shakira for 12 months. It took a couple of years, but they came back even better! And here I am at forty-one, with lovely, perky, perfect boobs. I am really tempted to send you a picture!!

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