Saturday, August 6, 2011

The 10 People On This Season Of The Bachelorette Who Were More Interesting Than The Actual Bachelorette

Well, we wrapped up another "successful" season of the Bachelorette, and Ashley picked J.P.

Not surprised at all.

It's not surprising that the woman who used the words "scared" and "insecure" more than any other words (including the ever-famous "connection," "journey," and "process") chose the oldest guy who made her feel the most secure. (And kudos to J.P. for getting and successfully maneuvering the Bentleygate rebound date. That's when I knew he'd win.) She also tearfully admitted herself on a number of occasions, "I don't know if I'm cut out for this." Now that's confidence.

The real loser this season, however, was ABC. Ratings were way down.

What was the reason for this?

I may be wrong and this is harsh, but they chose the wrong Bachelorette. No offense to Ashley. She didn't choose herself to do the show. It's just that in my years of watching this franchise, I don't remember someone so boring playing the role of main character.

If they are going to keep rotating through people that have been on the previous season, said person has to have at least one of three qualities:

1. Be the runner-up that people like more than the winner (in the case that you can't get the actual winner).

2. Be the prettiest/best-looking person in the cast.

3. Be the most interesting person in the cast (most likely by having the saddest personal story or by being the villain or tattle tell or clown or by having a rivalry in the house).

Ashley didn't fulfill any of these three qualities; no one was rooting for her with Brad, so why would they root for her later. They wouldn't and didn't.

This season, however, wasn't without it's interesting characters. So as my wrap-up post I present

"The 10 People On This Season Of The Bachelorette Who Were More Interesting Than The Actual Bachelorette"

These are in no particular order.

1. Emily Maynard

She wasn't even on the season, but it seems that her lack of being there had more to do with the drama of this season than anything else. She's the reason Bentleygate happened; she's the reason Ashley couldn't handle William's joke; she got her own 15 minute interview stealing Ashley's thunder. In case you were wondering if Emily would make a good Bachelorette, check the above qualities. She's got all three. ABC would be stupid to not capitalize on her.

2. Jeff The Mask

He's the first of the "comically unaware" people on my list. Of course producers made Ashley keep him around. There's no way anyone would ever keep a person wearing a mask in their radar for husband material, but when he pulled that mask off and said, "Hi, I'm Jeff" to Ashley's blank stare and handshake, he made my week. You keep up the good work, producers. That was A+ television entertainment.

3. William the Cell Phone Salesman

Another of the "comically unaware." I already mentioned the fact that he thought the roast was going to be his big break. We all know she wasn't likely to pick him in the end anyway, but I've never seen such a fast fall from grace. From charming to idiot in the blink of an eye.

4. Ryan P. (Are we sure that P. isn't for Pavelka because he's got to be related to Jake somehow)

The last and biggest offender of the "comically unaware." I'm rather proud of myself from my original predictions to have been right about this guy. He was tagged as "friend" material and he did shed tears. This guy just kept getting better and better to me. First he thinks she's just super secure in their relationship so she doesn't need any dates with him. Then he gets a date and talks all about hot water heaters. Then he returns thinking that she'll give him another chance even though she let him go in the middle of a date. (Note: Another favorite moment was the scene when Ashley and Ben flew right over a pining Ryan in the helicopter...again, keep up the good work, producers). And finally, he admits on "The Men Tell All" episode that he read tons of dating books with the best dating questions before coming on the show so his one on one time was more "meaningful" than anyone else's.

I'll tell you one person he didn't listen to... Dr. Paul. (My husband showed me this clip last week, and I've been longing to weasel it into a post.)

5. Ben the Winemaker

If we had a perfectly secure Ashley, she really would have chosen Ben, but as is, he's probably better off. I didn't think he was terribly interesting up until his exit proposal. That was good stuff. I loved how Ashley tried to make him feel better by haphazardly saying, "You're so funny and interesting!" That's how "comically unaware" she is.

6. Ashley's Witchy Sister, Chrystie

Wow, Chrystie! You obviously didn't get the memo that you're supposed to meet both men, give your support to both men, tell Ashley, "You've got your work cut out for you" and enjoy your free tropical vacation with little drama. That being said, I think Chrystie asked better questions than Chris Harrison and would be a great replacement for him. (Or at least I did think that until she awkwardly cheered, "Go Team Cupcake" and offended J.P.'s religion by inviting him over for Christmas dinner on "After the Final Rose.")

7. Ames

I get the feeling that Ames should have dressed much more like Dr. Paul than Justin Timberlake, but they had to help him out a little. Let's be honest, if Ashley wanted to be rich forever and have someone to take to Jane Austen movies, this is who she should have picked. They also could have spray tanned together which would have been fun.

8. Chris Harrison

This season had to be the worst in Chris Harrison's years with Bachelor. Not only did Ashley make him do an unusual amount of pre-rose ceremony therapy sessions, he also had to get two guys back to the show, and only got to travel to rainy Asia. Good work Ashley! It's high time that guy did his fair share of work.

9. Tim, the Drunk

It wasn't until the "Men Tell All" episode that Tim became oddly funny and interesting to me. It's really quite a shame we didn't see more of him. (Note: I secretly want him to be the next Bachelor. I think he fulfills requirement #3 in a weird sort of way)

10. Bentley

I've already talked about him. You've already talked about him. The world has already talked about him. Yeah, we're all over it. And I wouldn't have even mentioned him as interesting anymore except for that I heard his "business" he wanted to promote was a family fun center in Draper with bounce houses. That strikes my funny bone for some reason.

Wow! For such a boring season, I certainly had a lot to say. Until next time, I wish you all happy "journeys" and meaningful "connections." This is me signing off.

1 comment:

  1. Yeah, I'm in the "Tim the Drunk for the next Bachelor," club too. That would be some great entertainment!