Monday, June 13, 2011

Borderline Neurotic


My son didn't urinate much today, so naturally I thought his kidneys were failing. I'm basically just your run of the mill, typical, every day worry wart.

When I did an internship at the hospital several years ago I was sure I was going to be the next one on the med/surge unit. When all you see everyday is sick people you start to think that everyone is sick. I was convinced there were no healthy people left on the planet. I ignored the fact that the majority of the patients were over 70; my turn was next. It turns our I didn't get deathly ill - that summer or the five years that have since passed. Go figure.

For over three years I worked with people with disabilities, so guess what happened? Yep, I thought I had a disability. There were several of our clients who thought they were employees at the center, instead of receiving services from the center. So, I thought, maybe I was really a client who thought I was an employee. Maybe my parents paid my "friends" to hang out with me. Maybe I thought I was in normal college classes but they were really remedial classes. Maybe my boyfriend also had a disability...The mind can be your worst enemy.

Basically every job I've had I have worried that whatever was happening to my clients or patients was going to happen to me. And I'm a social worker, so yeah, it got pretty bad sometimes. I worried at all my jobs, except one, that is. I used to stuff envelopes for my dad. That was a pretty safe job for my psyche. Although I did get some nasty papercuts.

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