Wednesday, May 25, 2011

What Else? The Bachelorette Begins!

Yeah, I feel a little stupid posting about The Bachelorette after Erica so marvelously made me think about sexual stigmas in society with yesterday's post; so for the record, before I begin, I DO NOT let my children watch any part of The Bachelor/ette franchise.

It's my own downfall/addiction, that I hope to be rid of by the time I grow up.

Dear Kids,
May you never get sucked in to crummy reality T.V. like your mother has. Even if she does it in part for her own wicked/sarcastic amusement. And for the record, I do not condone meeting your spouse on television. I won't even pay for your wedding if you decide to do this.

Now that that is out of the way, let's begin.

Ashley Hebert began her quest to find true love on Monday night's season premiere of The Bachelorette. And you better believe that I set the DVR, watched and have some observations about and predictions for the upcoming season.

Let's start from the beginning. I love how Ashley has gone from a being a dentist, to a dental student, to an aspiring dancer all within 5 months. What else about Ashley is there to know? Is she technically going to school to be a dental assistant? It wouldn't shock me. One thing we do know? She's been known to lie on resumes.

Quite possibly my favorite moment of the night was the interpretive dance about Ashley's lameness in telling Brad how she felt last season. I haven't felt that awkward since Tenley danced for Jake or Jenny danced for Brad. That was the point when the husband had to leave the room. Hmmmm? I may be guessing here, but there's a possibility that Ashley was trying out for Dancing With The Stars with that little number. With that gig coming up next, let's face it, she's NEVER going to finish dental (assisting) school.

Then came the limo introductions. Can I just say that I love the first episode for so many reasons, one of them being the "I had to stand out" element? A broken compass, pink dental floss, glasses of wine, poems, being picked up like a sack of potatoes. These guys came to play. My favorite introduction though came from this guy:

Ryan M. who insisted on getting a picture with Ashley (actually he made her take two pictures...the first one was blurry) and then seemed equally excited for her to take his picture with Chris Harrison later that night at the cocktail party.

Besides the dismissal of the drunk dude, the cocktail party had a shocking lack of action for my Bachelor/ette liking. I saw no dancers, no musicians, no one obviously looking to promote a career just a few lack luster conversations ("Hey, you like cupcakes and my nickname is 'cupcake'. We're made for each other!") and a dude wearing a mask.

Let's start with that dude (Jeff) who decided to wear the mask:

What does he really look like?:

He's got crazy in his eyes. There's always one of these (remember Fangs?). I'm convinced that the producers cast a person like this every season and then nudge and wink at the Bachelor/ette that they need to keep this person around for ratings. This isn't my first time around the Bachelorette block.

Other cast members to watch out for?

The Villain:

And for the record, I already don't feel bad for Ashley when it's revealed by the designated "Tattler" that Bentley really wishes she were Emily (doesn't every guy in America secretly wish every girl was Emily? J/K). She was warned (and don't we all think that Michelle Money had something to do with this?). If this guy appears in previews for one of those LDS films during the course of the season, we'll know something is up. And another thing, Cozy is just about the worst little girl name I've ever heard.

And just who will be the Tattler? My money is on this guy:

Ryan P. has Jake Pavelka "cheeseball" written all over him. Two predictions: 1. Ashley will tag him as "friend" material and 2. He will shed tears at some point in the season.

Since I'm making predictions, let's go with who I think she's going to pick. (Note: I haven't read any spoilers...pure instincts here):

Ben P., the wine maker. There's really no obvious choice (like Roberto was for Ali) so far this season, but I think this guy is one to look out for.

I'd say we should watch out for this guy too:

but William is a cell phone salesman who does impersonations. And since we've already established that Ashley isn't graduating dental (assisting) school, she'll most likely go for someone more "established."

My sister called me a few summer's ago and asked,

"Do you think they cast The Bachelorette by swinging a dead cat around a Gold's Gym and taking whomever it hits?"

The answer is YES. YES I DO.

But can true love be found at a Gold's Gym? We'll have to wait and see.


  1. Great predictions. During the rose ceremony I was totally not digging her picks of all the long haired greasy looking guys. I could smell them from the couch.

    Ashely seems like a shooting star on a haphazard path. This season is my first exposure to the Bachelorette. I was anticipating less drama than the Bachelor but from the spoilers previewed after the show, I'm thinking I'm going to get my fair share. (Of excitement and tears that is).

  2. Oh my gosh; I laughed hysterically all night while watching the masked man. He definitely does have crazy in his eyes. I think you're right about the front runners. I CAN'T WAIT for a preview of a new action-packed LDS film starring Michelle Money and Bentley Williams. That show would rock!

  3. Put the mask back on dude! He does have that crazy look. And she's a total idiot for keeping Bentley. She's confusing her attraction to him with his interest in her. Can you say aloof? That's what he's playing. Are women these days really still falling for that aloof player routine? Seriously?

  4. Okay so I was reading a commentary on the Bachelorette over at and one of the commenter's linked to Bentley's wife's blog. She looks like Emily.

  5. On second though, should I feel creepy about looking at her blog? Curiously she didn't post for 3 years and then miraculously started again just this month. Coincidence? I think not. Business promotion? Probably so. Can I blame her? Not at all. She'd better get something from being married to that creep.