Friday, May 27, 2011

The Harsh Reality

We recently had a minor health scare in our family that led my husband and I to have the “what would you do if I died” conversation. After sobbing unnecessarily for a brief interval I gathered my wits and replied in all seriousness with the answer I’ve known all-my-life life:

“I would cry for a long time, but then I would buck up, be strong, dedicate myself to my career and saving the world, become a role model for millions and naturally, be famous.”

He laughed.

Me: Why are you laughing?

Him: I think that sounds like a great plan. I just think it’s funny you think you would become famous.

Me: (thinking to myself) What!? How have we been married for this long and he is still unaware that this was my subconscious 40-year plan. Wait. Why is this part of my plan?

Him: You don’t think you would get re-married?

Me: No.

Him: Who would you live with?

Me: I don’t know. Probably Sherri Dew. Naturally we would be running in the same circles.

Him: Ok dear.

I never planned on being Lady Ga-Ga famous, more like famous for do-gooder things but after this conversation, I’ve been recognizing how my opportunities are quickly dwindling.

Missed opportunity #1: I got married.

This automatically took me out of the running for the next First Lady, Princess Di (Kate would have had a run for her hoards of royal money), Bachelorette, and Mother Theresa, or in reality the LDS version--Sherri Dew.

Missed opportunity # 2: The Oprah Show. 

If you haven’t heard, it’s all over, which is sad on so many levels. I always thought I’d do something cool enough to make it on the show. I had my whole lifetime to do it and I failed. The only plus to this missed opportunity is that Oprah is leaving a void behind that yours truly could fill quite nicely. Minus the African-American, powerful woman, who raised herself up from rags to riches from a troubled childhood and who has no children, but does have a live in boyfriend part, I think we have a lot in common.

Missed opportunity #3: I became a dietitian.

This simultaneously destroyed my chances for being a contestant on The Biggest Loser and America’s Next Top Model.

Missed opportunity #4: I quit gymnastics and started dance too late.

No Olympic games, DWTS, or SYTYCD for me.

Missed opportunity # 5: I wrote this blog. (No offense)

This means I will probably not be called to serve as a General Relief Society President any time soon. I don’t think you’re allowed to make fun of Utah and then represent it to the world. Just a hunch.

I’m willing to settle for being a BYU Women’s Conference Speaker though (if the powers that be are interested you can contact me here).

The only shards of hope I have left is the possibility that I might someday write a book, have octuplets, or become a scandalous house wife (not likely). 

Or, of course, this blog. Please don't let me down. 

1 comment:

  1. Erica,

    I love this! I know that you will be well-known. Trust me! Thanks for the post. It made me smile and that about how I can be "famous" like I have always wanted.