Saturday, April 9, 2011

When You Compete With 18 Year-Olds

Two of my heroes, Stacy and Clinton, once made the statement:

"When you compete with 18 year-olds, guess who wins? The 18 year-olds because they are 18."

As I was picking up my pre-schooler this week, I saw not 1, not 2, but 3 competitors for the title of the "I actually look older because I'm trying to look younger award." I may get myself in trouble here, but the truth has to be told.

Competitor #1: Mom with Bedazzled Bum:

The weird thing about jeans with sparkle bums is that I really don't think young stylish people have been wearing these since 2002. And unless you have (or in most cases, "think" you have) a very nice back side, you would never put these on. Either that or you attend an unhealthy amount of rodeos and/or NASCAR events.

Competitor #2: Walking Bilboard Mom Wearing Aeropostale Gear:

We all remember when we looked for Girbaud, Doc Marten, and Guess labeling on clothing. We were most likely in Jr. High and felt awkward and like we needed that sort of branding to let others know we were cool. News Flash: You aren't in Jr. High anymore. Nor should anyone past the age of 20 be wearing Aeropostale clothing. I mean, you know that you paid them, right? They didn't pay you, so stop doing their advertising.

Competitor #3: Grandma With Cougar Hair:

That's not the grandma I saw. That's Marie Osmond, but she illustrates my point quite well. Past the age of 40, women with super long hair look ridiculous and like they are trying way too hard to look young. Marie's Age: 51. You don't have to go with church lady hair or anything. A nice, sensible mid-length is totally fine. Even past the shoulders is still fine. But watch out because there is a fine line. I know it, you know it, and Marie doesn't.

Note: Please read my retraction on this post.


  1. I don't believe there is such a thing as attending an unhealthy amount of rodeos.
    - Kasey

  2. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You know how I feel about this subject, so a big THANKS is all I need to say.