Monday, April 4, 2011

Spawn of Satan

NOTICE: If any animal activists are out there reading this, please note that all tactics used against animals in this story were purely for self-defense (I thought I should put that out there because there are so many animal activists now you can't swing a dead cat around without hitting one of them).

I haven't always been afraid of roosters, no, not until I actually met one. The story goes something like this... One beautiful summer day, I was walking back to my house after visiting a neighbor. I spotted one of our biggest and meanest roosters on our front lawn. We made eye contact and he began to walk towards me, so I quickly walked across the street and to the corner out of his view. I decided to walk slowly down the sidewalk and cross the street when I was on the opposite side of the lawn as the rooster. Unfortunately, the rooster spotted me and started running across the street to get me. My life flashed before my eyes, when I was suddenly brought back to the present by a car honk. Apparently someone was driving down the road, spotted the rooster, and honked at him. The sound scared the rooster to his side of the road and I retreated back to the corner of the block to come up with a new plan.

I gathered my courage and decided to just go ahead and walk toward the rooster, hoping he would chicken out (as he should have, since he is a chicken) and run away from me. I began to cross the street to my house when the rooster started to chase me again. I chickened out and began to run. Surely this was going to be the end of me - until a big loud truck drove by, scaring the rooster with the noise and black smoke. The rooster jumped up and landed in a puddle of water. While he was shaking himself off I went back to my safe corner.

Finally, I came to the realization that I couldn't enter my yard alone. So, I walked over to my neighbor's house, explained the situation, and asked him if he would walk me home. My neighbor, a 70-something year old man, was more than happy to help me out. Of course, as soon as my neighbor was in sight the rooster walked away from us, making me look dumb and overly frightened. I expected that my neighbor would just walk me to my front porch and bid adieu, but no, he had something else in mind. He started calling to the rooster and walking towards him. Suddenly, he dove for the rooster but missed him, landing on his knees. That didn't stop him. He crawled on his hands and knees toward the rooster and grabbed the rooster under his arm. He then proceeded to smack the rooster on the head, while walking towards me, pointing at me, and telling the rooster that I was his master and he shouldn't scare me. The poor rooster was smacked a few more times, for good measure, and then my neighbor threw the rooster over his head. As soon as the rooster hit the ground, he took off for the field. I thanked my neighbor for his help and went in my house.

Three days later the rooster died. Whether from a concussion, broken heart, or hurt pride, we'll never know. NOTE: If you are feeling worse for the rooster than you are for me, I should also mention that this particular rooster used to eat my flowers, just to spite me.

1 comment:

  1. Wow Kasey that is such a crazy story! and it's pretty funny too:) Glad you are safe from the spawn of satan. :D